Was rude to stranger on sidewalk

I am so embarrassed by what I just did - I was leaving work walking to the train as I always do and a woman in front of me on the sidewalk backed up into me as I was walking. I said “watch out” before she backed into me. When we stepped into one another she said “sorry” and I, for some dumb reason, said “for fuck’s sake” and kept walking. A man she was with might have said “hey” to me as I was walking away but I had my headphones in and am not 100% sure. After about 30 seconds of walking I of course became horrified at my reaction, and turned around to find them and apologize, but when I got back near the area where it happened, I couldn’t find them. I looked around but couldn’t spot them based on my memory of what the woman was wearing, and I then turned back around and went home. Beyond being truly embarrassed and ashamed of my immature and rude reaction, I am mortified that someone was recording the situation and will post it online to identify and shame me for my rude behavior. It seemed like maybe the man she was with was taking photos of her and I am terrified he was taking a video when we bumped into one another and will post it to social media to try and expose and identify me. This cuts right to the heart of my biggest OCD fear. I am normally good about being calm and measured and kind in public, and I honestly don’t know why I had this reaction. I am terrified and so deeply embarrassed. Has anyone ever experienced something like this before? I am struggling with this. Thank you :)

alan87

Date posted: Yesterday

Im sorry youre going through this. I had something similar happen today on the road, no verbal interaction. It sucks when we disappoint ourselves, but I believe what matters is we have an understanding that we can be better, so that means we will be better. We all make judgements we wish we didn’t, but they happen. Some people they do the same things and never think twice about how or why. What I did today when I felt shame and guilt is I said a prayer for those people. This might be a compulsion, but that’s what I did.

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: Yesterday

@alan87 Thank you for your reply, I appreciate it! It is really difficult but I am definitely attempting to remind myself of that. I think I would feel better if I had the chance to apologize, but of course that wasn’t possible and is now a huge part of the uncertainty anxiety. I’m terrified that I’ll be exposed for this moment and have it be a public representation of who I am when I know I am much kinder and patient than my reaction, but I opened myself up to that possibility by being rude in the first place. I am responsible for my reaction and I own it, albeit with lots of shame. There is nothing I can do now anyways. Thanks again for your response. Hope you are well :)

alan87

Date posted: 13h

@Anonymous I understand what you mean. I think that feeling a remorse is good. It shows we are compassionate and caring. Be kind to yourself. That lady is not even thinking about that today. We get stuck on what ifs and all that, but everyone is living their own lives, and their thoughts are in their world. They have moved on. We should to. I hope youre doing well today

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