- Date posted
- 9h
It is not getting better
So I have posted on here before about how my Uncle is visiting for a week and staying in my room on the spare mattress I have in there but I have bad contamination OCD about s*m*n and I have not cleaned my room and it is eating me up with guilt and worry and now I am scared my house is contaminated because he is walking around touching stuff and now his stuff is dirty and last night when he visited I texted him this: “I need to clean my room I know you keep telling me to do it but I did not expect you to come over today and I need to wash my sheets since they smell bad and I wanted to clean the mattress and I need to clean my computer and the fan off because it is all dirty I know you already messed with the fan and my chair and the stuff but it is all dirty and I just have so much anxiety around it and it spreading around the house or onto to peoples stuff and it is paralyzing and Idk how to handle this right now and I just feel so scared and you should not have to deal with this and the filth because I was dirty and I feel like a criminal I do not know what to do because now your stuff is dirty and now you are dirty and we do not have body wash.” And then he read it at 5 am and did not respond so I just sent “Idk what to do” and he sent this: “(My name) just clean your room and wash the colors that I put by the washer this morning. You're overthinking this a lot” So after a bit of contemplating I put the covers in the wash and told him this “I put the covers in the wash but idk how to handle the other stuff the mattresses are dirty idk how to clean those effectively and the walls and the door handles are dirty” Because the door handles are dirty because I did not clean them after touching them after having a private moment and the mattresses are dirty because when I was scared to put covers on my bed (IDK why maybe it was another reason I didn’t) I would just have private moments on my bare mattress and this is gross at the moment there is a mattress protector on my mattress but it smells bad and the other mattress does not have a protector and I am scared that I did spread those germs to that mattress since I spend so much time in my room and stuff (I was scared to leave my room at one point in fear of contamination my house so I stayed in there for almost 6 days and yes things are dirty) But he responded saying “(My name) you realize I flipped over the mattress so the dirty side is down. The clean side is on top” but I was worried and sent this back “Well idk if both sides were dirty or not Idk if I already flipped it and both sides are dirty” And I also just remember maybe switching the mattresses out with each other so idk what is clean or dirty. But he told he also sprays them down and like idk how that even works I am still panicking because this is serious but a part of me feels like maybe I am being over dramatic but at the same time I think and feel sick that my room is that dirty with those types of germs and I could even let someone go in there or let the germs sit like that I mean I have a pile of dirty clothes in my dirty clothes bin that I know has those germs on it because those are the clothes I used and it makes me sick someone in a room so close to them but I am scared to even look or go in the room as I am scared to contaminated but I just do not know what to do. The final text I sent like 20 or so minutes ago said this “But I am also worried about the floor where you put your stuff (and your stuff which is probably dirty now) and the top shelf next to the desk which is also dirty” and he left me on read and I just do not know what to do know I feel like life has lost its color and I just want to lay on this couch and not move at all.