I need to vent to you all. So yesterday was my 18th birthday and I was so happy but my family ruined it and made it the worst day ever for me. We all ended up getting into a huge fight because my family won’t allow me to get a job, have my license, my ID card, won’t let me get doctors checkups bc they refused to get me healthcare and I haven’t had it for a few years now, yesterday I was planning on getting my piercing and because I look younger than 18 obviously they asked for my ID but the problem is my family will NOT allow me to have one. So, the guy told my grandma that was with me that she could sign the paper but guess what? She flat out said no with an attitude and got all fussy over just signing a paper. So that ticked me off because I’m never allowed to do anything.. not allowed to have friends tje only friends I have are online and they don’t know about them because if they did omg I would be DEAD, they are always putting me down about anything I do, if I accomplish something that I’m proud of like my weight loss for example it’s like they get all jealous of me and get an attitude about it like they can’t be happy for anyone else but themselves. They literally cussed me out behind my back yesterday and I only know they did because my cousin told me, they called me a liar when I told the TRUTH and of course everyone believed them because they ALWAYS pull this crying act to make people feel sorry for them. I told them “you ruined my birthday” and they said “how did I ruin your birthday? What did I do? I never do anything you know I love you” just trying to guilt trip me but I didn’t buy into any of their bs last night. I sat outside for about three hours in the cold because I was terrified of my dad. My dad is very aggressive and so are my brothers so I’m extremely scared of being around them. I had two breakdowns yesterday. I couldn’t enjoy my day at all. Every time I am around them my energy gets so drained. I feel dead around them. I always feel like I’m walking on eggshells. They have ruined so much for me. They’ve ruined things that could have been the best for me, they ruined my happiness, they ruined my self esteem, they have isolated me, they made me not trust anyone and made it seem like I could only trust them for the longest time, they have ruined my life. They ruined my mental health. I’m always so stressed around them. When no one is home I feel so free and like myself but then when they are home I isolate myself in my small squAre room afraid to leave it because I don’t want to interact with them. I don’t have contact with my mom because my mom has nothing to do with my either and I don’t know any of her side of the family and I absolutely HATE my dads side of the family because they are all the same. I just game off of medication and I was so happy but now bc of yesterday and being under high stress My ocd thoughts have been terrible today. I keep thinking everyone hates me including my amazing partner and friends. I keep thinking of all these “what if this, what if that” thoughts and it’s so terrifying. I’ve had to relearn everything because I used to act like them because their behavior was all I grew to know so I thought it was perfectly okay to treat others the same but hard reality hit me and I had a breakdown when I realized what I had become. A monster. All I’ve ever wanted to do was spread love and happiness to others because I know how it feels to be hurt and I never in a million years wanted to treat someone in the same controlling, manipulative, jealous behavior that my family has put me through but I did. I was hurt and caused hurt to others without knowing it. But ive changed a lot. I’m more aware of my actions, I’ve learned how to handle my emotions and communicate better instead of holding everything in, I’m a bit more confident in myself and I’m definitely not the person I used to be. I’ve owned up to my past mistakes and can admit when I’m wrong and my friend telling me that she loves the person I am now and to forget my past self meant so much to me. But, i feel like i can’t ever have true happiness in life until I’m away from here. Luckily, a friend is going to pick me up in the next week or two so I’ll be away from here for good but it’s just Im so hurt from yesterday. I can’t stop thinking about how they ruined my special day then tried to guilt trip me and act like they did nothing wrong. I’m so so so so upset. I’m sorry this was so long but I really needed to let this off my chest.