Thought you’ve fixed it?

I noticed that a lot of times when I talk about my fears and make a step in my journey that I will automatically become better. I’ll get reassurance basically— or advice— and I’ll think, “wow, that’s really all I needed” and I’ll leave calm and happy. But then later, the deep anxious feeling returns, sometimes even worse. When that happens, I feel really defeated. Like right now. I finally got help and I felt seen and got some good advice and insight and got prescribed meds. I felt really happy and relieved but then I get disappointed it didn’t fix all my problems. I know I haven’t taken the meds but I thought the reassurance would be enough :,) obviously it won’t be for OCD but I seriously thought… In the moment I’m baffled that I even worry about the things I do. I notice the illogical sense of it and I think the realization that it’s irrational will make me not do the compulsion again or I’ll be able to calm myself better. But it doesn’t… it’s exhausting with the hope and defeated kinda cycle Anyone else experience this?

floatingalien

Date posted: Yesterday

It totally makes complete sense that you feel exhausted and defeated right now. I’ve been experiencing this for the past 2 months and it’s just recently started to calm down now that i’ve barely gotten any reassurance and quit going in a googling rampage lol. It is incredibly frustrating to feel like you have finally broken through to the "logical" side of your brain, only to have the anxiety storm right back in. When you seek reassurance, you accidentally teach your brain that the obsession was a real danger that required a solution. When the relief wears off, the brain demands another dose of reassurance, making the next spike feel even worse, atleast speaking from my personal experience. You cannot logic your way out of an illogical illness. Your logical brain completely understands that the fears are irrational. But OCD lives in the fear center, which does not speak the language of logic. It only responds to how you behave. Because OCD is a disorder of overthinking, your brain treats reassurance like a new piece of data to analyze, which inevitably triggers a deeper spiral.

oliviabroewn

Date posted: Yesterday

@floatingalien I like the part where you mentioned that you can’t use logic against the illogical part of your brain. I usually just think of it as one unit. I was so confused why if I know it’s logically not likely I’ll throw up or the extreme will happen I immediately panic as if it is about to happen. I know reassurance fuels OCD but it seems to hide in so many things— things I didn’t even think were compulsions. And then it sends me deeper into it.

Nocturnal-Ha...

Date posted: Yesterday

Here's a quote straight from my therapist: No one ever said that mental illness is logical. I've been on meds for a couple decades now, and they took me from super deep to mild depression, and reduced the panic from every few months to now just when I'm really experiencing a more than usual amount of stress. It's all like an experiment, until you find the right combination in my case; I tried a few different ones, and combined the best two. Please continue seeking help for yourself. The effort is certainly worth it. You are worth it. :-)

oliviabroewn

Date posted: 17h

@Nocturnal-Hamster I’m glad that you were able to find things that help you. I’m really hopeful about the treatment I’m receiving and the work I’m putting into making myself better now. It’s just frustrating at times when you know you *can* be better, and can basically map it out in your head but it can’t just magically change right then :,)

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