Do all hurt people eventually hurt people?

(TW mention of sa/child abuse, sh, and attempted sui¢ide) This is deeply personal but I'm genuinely struggling so bad I need to hear from others. Obviously can't tell anyone in my life about this because nobody knows this. Background: Ever since I could remember I've been sexually abused by an older family figure in my life. It kind of stopped around the time I was 11? I mean the sexual comments remained for a bit but he wouldn't really touch me. Only my butt. Maybe I was finally too old for his liking. I was always scared of being left alone with him and unfortunately had to be on multiple occasions and wouldn't you know he tried stuff with me after showing me the p0rn he wanted me to copy. wow shocker. After it stopped I continued to be around this person and even though I knew those things happened I think I forced myself to forget it? I didn't really act any different aside from becoming more indifferent to physical affection but that was just seen as me being a difficult kid or something. I don't remember when exactly but I know I started getting nightmares about it more frequently after it stopped. Which always weirded me out because why wasn't it worse during I'll never know. If I had to pinpoint I'd say around 12-13 the trauma resurfaced and I started getting flashbacks almost everyday. Those times were blurry but I know for a fact the flashbacks became consistent. In middle school people started talking about bedroom stuff and figuring themselves out, I could never completely relate to it I mean fully. Even though I was hypersexual, I couldn't think about being intimate with anyone without also thinking about what had happened to me and then I'd shut down. That was a vicious cycle. One that I'm still trying to get over. I thought I was a late bloomer because that's what everyone else told me. Now me at 17 I'm realizing a pattern. Not to discredit anyone who's asexual, I do consider myself asexual but I'm starting to wonder if I'd be this way if it weren't for what I went through. Anyway that's probably enough backround to understand what I'd like to bring up the most. I struggle mostly with Harm OCD, POCD, Moral OCD, False memory OCD/Magical thinking OCD. Let me explain how those feed off each other and lead me down a never ending rabbit hole. As mentioned before someone in the past hurt me in one of the worst ways, I never was able to get help for this along with any other trauma I faced as a kid and even now. I know that something horrible must've happened to my abuser to make him do those things to me and my other family member (I don't know if there were more victims besides us that's another ordeal). My main fear is turning into the evil that had corrupted me all those years ago, ripping away my innocence like it was nothing. I was strictly religious a couple years ago and would read my Bible after babysitting and cry to not become that. I had brutal intrusive thought attacks involving whoever I was around or people in my life (friends,family,kids) and I couldn't bear the thought of hurting someone as much as I was that I would rather erase myself since I was the problem. Or would eventually be. So that did lead to me attempting a couple of times along with relapsing. I've severely isolated myself from friends, leading me to lose a bunch, and now it's getting as bad as me avoiding my family, and sometimes immediate family. I don't trust myself around anyone or myself. But I'd much rather hurt myself than risk doing something to someone else. This is where those last two types of OCD I mentioned earlier play a part in this endless torture. When I'm having a bad OCD flare up my mind tricks me into thinking something is going to take over my mind and make me reenact all the disgusting things I get intrusive thoughts of. Like it would take over my brain as I black out and by the time I wake up, the damage would already be done. And my biggest fear would have come true. I would be the new abuser. As ridiculous as this may sound to other people it's real as can be to me, I don't even think I deserve to live because I'm literally so petrified of what I'm capable of underneath. Do I want to do any of these things? Of course not, but what if I'm just tricking myself into believing I don't want to do anything bad. And vice versa. This sucks. Do you guys think there's any hope for me? Am I too far gone and the only solution is for the world to rid of me?