Discerning what is an obsessive thought?

Does anyone have any advice on discerning when something is an obsessive thought versus you're just trying to have a positive thought? Like for example if I have low grade anxiety constantly and then I get the urge to do something to get rid of it and I get frustrated like I saw this video and this guy was talking about allowing yourself to imagine what it's like to feel okay. Sort of stuff like this where I'm like thinking I'm going to give myself the allowance to relax and remember what it feels like. I just feel like I'm always trying so hard to not reassure myself to where now I feel like everything is avoidance if it has any sort of reassurance to it and I'm like am I supposed to never feel reassured? Am I supposed to never have a mentality or mindset that makes me feel empowered? Obviously I don't think these things are true but it just gets really hard to feel like you can't trust yourself so much. I'm just basically trying to figure out if it's bad for my recovery to say to myself you're going to have a good day today and everything's okay even if it's not you'll deal with it. Of course getting bothered by this is a form of OCD I'm sure but I do think it is helpful to understand when it's useful to have affirmations and when it is really just holding you back from healing

Jasdanm

Date posted: 22h

I really feel for you. Honestly, I struggle with this exact same thing. It's so exhausting trying to figure out where the line is between healthy mindset shifts and OCD reassurance. For me, I’ve found that the best way to tell it's OCD is when the fear or the rule just doesn't make sense logically. I try to step back, look at it from an outside perspective, and see if other people without OCD are being bothered by the same things I am. If they aren't, then most of the time it’s just the OCD talking, and I try my best to notice that and work on it. To answer your question, saying "I'm going to have a good day and I'll deal with whatever happens" is a healthy, empowering mindset, not a compulsion. Compulsions are urgent, rigid, and try to guarantee 100% certainty to make anxiety stop right now. Healthy affirmations are flexible and allow for uncertainty (like you saying "even if it's not okay, I'll deal with it"). Don't let OCD trick you into thinking you aren't allowed to ever relax or feel empowered. If you're constantly analyzing whether a thought is "allowed," that analysis itself is usually the OCD!

Anonymous

Date posted: 22h

Thank you very much. I really appreciate it. Sometimes it's just about understanding what's going on in our heads I think rather than getting it just right. I like what you said there make a quick assessment is this something someone who is healthy would worry about and if not it's OCD and I'm not going to get it right 100% of the time but yeah I definitely have been feeling like I can't ever relax or feel empowered, exactly it's like I get this thing where I feel like any positive statement is just avoiding the thing I'm fearing and is OCD but then I'm sitting there like wait am I just supposed to feel terrified and miserable constantly until I calm down and I'm just used to it? Something I have been trying to realize is there are some things we are able to feel certain about it's not about always feeling uncertain either. I saw someone make a video about how she was worried about locking the door or something and she's like no I know I did it I am certain as much as I can be and it's like yeah she could have forgotten to lock the door but reasonably she is sure. Thanks sorry this was a rambley response lol

Jasdanm

Date posted: 22h

@Anonymous No worries at all, I really appreciate your response. I completely relate to what you said because the exact same thing happens to me. Anytime I start feeling positive or more relaxed, my brain immediately tells me I'm just being a coward because I'm "avoiding" the OCD. But that's exactly what OCD wants you to believe, and I think that's one of the things that makes it so difficult to deal with. One thing that helps me sometimes is actually agreeing with the thought instead of arguing with it. If I get a really strong urge to do something, make something perfect, remember one specific thing, etc, I'll stop and ask myself what importance it actually has in my life. Will giving into this urge do something significant to my life? Does getting this exactly right really matter? Does finally remembering this one thing change anything meaningful? Usually the answer is no. So if ignoring something that has no real significance and only serves to make the OCD feel better makes me a "coward," then okay I guess I'm a coward lol. It kind of takes the power out of the thought because I'm not trying to prove anything to it anymore. I also really like what you said about certainty. I think OCD can make it feel like we're supposed to be uncertain about everything, but that's not really true. There are lots of things we can be reasonably certain about, like locking the door. Could anyone theoretically be wrong? Sure. But living by what's reasonable instead of chasing impossible certainty seems like a much healthier way to approach things. And don't apologize for the ramble, I enjoyed reading it. It honestly helps talking to someone who gets it.

Anonymous

Date posted: 22h

@Jasdanm Yeah that makes a lot of sense. It's like I'm trying to make myself mindful of what is an OCD thought and sit with it within the discomfort and let it calm down but it's almost like I get too eager and the desire to heal sometimes gets overtaken by something that is ironically obsessive. It's like the desire to erase OCD entirely is OCD because it's seeking full removal of it rather than willingness to sit with it. It also sometimes seems like it just dominates my whole day and sometimes I'll realize I've been orienting almost all of my mental energy around it. It's sort of hard to carry on sometimes when you're trying to allow thoughts but you still have this mindful awareness of it and it just steals from everything else. Not much else to do but to do it I guess lol if anything I guess it makes our mission clear and gives us something to do. I definitely relate to what you're saying about remembering something. If I'm understanding correctly it's sort of a thought hoarding thing. I still take a lot of notes because I write but I used to write down any thought I thought was interesting and if I was talking and I had a big convoluted thought I was describing and I forgot what I was going to say I would spend a ridiculous amount of time trying to remember it. It's weird how the things we do to face the OCD get obsessive themselves sometimes. Thanks for talking to me about this.

Michael N

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 18h

I believe there’s a distinction between “thoughts” (these are pretty much created without intentionality or action on our part) and “thinking” (an intentional intellectual activity we can summon to assist with reasoning or problem-solving). OCD and intrusive thoughts arrive unannounced and unbidden, often fully formed—they want to compel me to believe or behave in a specific way even if it’s against my own sense and will. My rational thinking originates from my own sense and will, these ideas usually emerge over some time and concentration, they present as options or solutions that I MAY but am not compelled to consider. So, if my mind arrives at an idea or notion of how I might feel less stressed and more peaceful, I assume it is authentic and not OCD — it’s a suggestion of what I may choose to do or act on. If the thought swoops in from nowhere, repeats itself over and over, or sets off a round of self-doubt, I label it OCD and sit with the discomfort of not acting on it. Of course, my brain is seldom prepared to recall any of this when an OCD storm strikes. Hindsight is always clearer than seeing things in real time. But, with practice and patience I am striving to reclaim my life. Wishing you both the best on your journeys as well!

Anonymous

Date posted: 18h

Thank you! This is a really good distinction. Definitely another thing I was struggling with was differentiating thoughts as in things were not responsible for really versus intentional thoughts. It's like I agree we are not our thoughts even if they are intentional ones but intentional ones typically align with our values and reflect who we are. Thank you

Michael N

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 13h

I think you’re right on target! Be well!

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