Scared I’ll never be ok

I can’t stop ruminating about how my ex called me selfish and said I don’t care about anyone except myself and called me crazy and some derogatory things and just made me feel really bad and guilty. I just can’t stop thinking that it’s all my fault and my OCD‘s fault and that there’s no way to get him to see that I did really love him and care about him and that he thinks that my character is just inherently flawed and that’s who I am or that I’m not capable of being a good partner and it’s so hurtful because now I feel like I’m just so stuck with every decision and I’m not really connected in my relationships. I’m just constantly focusing on trying to figure things out and solve things in my life and I wonder if it’s an emotional response to the break up because I really wanted to end up with him. It really took a hit on my self-esteem when I found out that he’s seeing someone new and I just can’t get some of his words out of my head and I feel like crap about myself and how I can’t make decisions and choices no matter how big or small cause now I’m just so terrified of fucking something up or something going the way I don’t want

Anonymous

Date posted: 20h

I am so sorry that you are feeling this. I’m currently going through a divorce and I’ve also been told very harsh things that have made me feel very similar to you. I still don’t know how to overcome the struggle of that and wish I had better words to offer for that specifically. What I can tell you is that, I can relate to what you’re going through and I hope it makes you feel less alone even if it’s not advice or a cure for your broken heart.

Katarina 🐾

Date posted: 20h

Hey man, I’ve been in this position a few times myself. He needs to worry about his own healing and you need to worry on yours. I’m sure you loved him, upon his own healing and reflection I’m sure he’ll also see that you loved him. OCD doesn’t have to make you an inherently broken individual, you are more than your weakness! Everyone will grow into being better, so even if you weren’t a better partner for him, you will be for whoever your heart seeks next! I don’t think you are being kind to yourself here, because mental issues like OCD and even other stuff are only curable when you have support and community. Get connected in those relationships!! Have them help you solve things!! Sharing the burden makes it easier for everyone involved. It takes time overall and supportive new and old connections (romantic or not) to get on the right footing with healing, but his words do not hold weight, exes say mean things to intentionally hurt all the time.

Firefly girl

Date posted: 18h

@Katarina 🐾 I’m just worried that I couldn’t take enough valid criticism or that i was narcissistic and it could have worked if I was more receptive but I feel like every time we tired to tell the other person what they could do better the other person took it as an insult but he’s also said really mean things I don’t know if I can forgive

Katarina 🐾

Date posted: 18h

@Firefly girl it seems like you’ve internalized all the criticism, it seems like you are super receptive to me!! don’t forgive him, if you want to move past it thats your choice. How we present ourselves matters a lot, when we are giving criticism the tone is what makes it the hardest. You deserve gentle too! Even if you were narcissistic (you weren’t, or you aren’t now) putting your best foot forward and sitting with how that relationship didn’t work out and how your next one can will make you stronger and will help you combat these worried and obsessive thoughts about how you did so and so wrong

Firefly girl

Date posted: 17h

@Katarina 🐾 I feel like I need him and want him back like this is so wrong and a huge mistake

Firefly girl

Date posted: 12h

@Katarina 🐾 He called me a wh*re multiple times, told me there’s too much p*ssy to be tripping about me, told me I’m replaceable, told me I’m not who I portray to be and that I’m an intelligent woman but I throw it away and he doesn’t have time to be dragged down by me. But then he continued to drunk call and text me after I requested no contact. It’s really freaking messed with my perception of myself and now him seeing someone else this whole thing is so disorienting . I didn’t ask for that information he willingly told me himself . Sorry I’m still ruminating clearly

Firefly girl

Date posted: 12h

@Katarina 🐾 I just really don’t wanna be that person so it gets to me a lot

Katarina 🐾

Date posted: 12h

@Firefly girl you need go get this out, and i’m a space to do so, don’t worry about it stranger 🫶 you don’t need someone who degrades you, even if you want them! its attachment and familiarity! Your love wasn’t a mistake, but the way he treated you was. You aren’t replaceable, each person is incredibly unique, you included! You are intelligent, but that can coexist with other parts of yourself (sensuality, childishness, etc). No person is one thing, and I’m sorry he saw you that way but I promise a real loving partner would have helped you bloom and grew with you while softly assisting you in realizing your errors. Someone who loves you wouldn’t put you down for something like sex. I promise you, his view is what is corrupt, not your heart or soul.

Katarina 🐾

Date posted: 12h

@Firefly girl Also, anyone who will put you down and then run back every time they’re drunk despite your boundaries is someone who is just not a good person 😭 You deserve to have someone listen

Firefly girl

Date posted: 12h

@Katarina 🐾 He used to see me in a positive way and then it became more and more negative over time. . Which i think is what is so disorienting about it and made me feel like its all my fault

Katarina 🐾

Date posted: 12h

@Firefly girl I saw your message before you edited it, so I can agree that he put you on a pedestal. But it’s not your fault nor responsibility! It could potentially be love bombing, but even then it could just be his feelings changing and resentment being built because he couldn’t communicate without harming you.

Katarina 🐾

Date posted: 12h

@Firefly girl But thats on him, even if you guys communicated properly, he has to be kind to you too! He isn’t bound to you, he should have put himself first and left instead of degrading and hurting you. Its not your fault, at all, that he made this decision

Firefly girl

Date posted: 6h

@Katarina 🐾 There was so much resentment between us because the things I was struggling with he didn’t have the patience for. I think it triggered him a lot because for me it was traumatic and overwhelming but for him it just seemed like first world problems. I’m always going to love him even though he hurt me so much. I just don’t want to give him the satisfaction or ego boost of knowing that because if he can’t be all in I can’t give him access to me . Thanks for listening 💓

Katarina 🐾

Date posted: 6h

@Firefly girl Love doesn’t have to disappear because the relationship does, that takes time! I’m so proud of you, I’m always here for you!

User type: Therapist

Date posted: 21h

Hello Firefly girl, It sounds like you’re carrying a lot of hurt and uncertainty, especially after your breakup and the comments from your ex. OCD can make us doubt ourselves and our decisions, and it’s common to ruminate over things that matter deeply to us. You are not alone in this, and your feelings are valid. If you’re struggling and need more assistance, remember that help is available. Please don’t hesitate to reach out to us at NOCD to find out how we can support you. Also here are some helpful resources: https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/intrusive-thoughts-normal/ https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/ocd-thought-patterns/ https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/wildfires-advice-from-an-ocd-specialist/ Take care, Ian M. Reeder

Firefly girl

Date posted: 21h

@Ian Reeder You guys don’t take my insurance:(

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