Oh, I’m really sorry you’re going through this. What you’re describing makes so much sense: when your flare-up and emetophobia kicked in at the end of the year, your brain basically learned “school = danger,” so now the start of the year feels like a countdown to anxiety and escape—of course that would make you dread everything, even things that used to feel exciting.
Here are a few tips that usually help with the “beginning” dread specifically (not in a fake “just be confident” way—more like giving your nervous system a plan):
1) Aim for “getting through the first week,” not the whole year
Try shrinking the goal to something concrete:
“I only have to get there for 10 minutes.”
“I only have to stay through one class.”
“I only have to eat a safe snack/lunch option.”
Each small win teaches your brain that you can survive the fear without needing to escape.
2) Pre-plan the first-day “what if” scenarios (so you’re not deciding while panicking)
Make a quick list tonight (or whenever you can):
What if I don’t have lunch with my people? → “I will sit with X, or I will get my own lunch plan and use my coping thing.”
What if seating is different? → “I already know I’ll pick a seat I can tolerate, and I’m allowed to adjust later.”
What if I feel trapped? → “I have a phrase + a small exit plan” (something like: step out to get water, bathroom check, counselor office pass, etc.).
You’re basically removing the “surprise decisions” that anxiety feeds on.
3) Create a “nervous system script” for when thoughts start spiraling
When you notice the loop (“I’m going to be anxious… I need to escape…”), try responding with a script like:
“This is fear, not a prediction.”
“My body can be anxious and I can still stay.”
“I don’t have to solve the whole day right now—just the next 5 minutes.”
It’s not about eliminating fear; it’s about changing your relationship to it.
4) Use small coping supports that you can do even while anxious
Pick 1–3 things that are simple and realistic:
chewing gum / mints (grounding + distraction)
sipping cold water
wearing something comforting (hoodie, necklace)
a “safe” snack you can tolerate
a grounding activity: name 5 things you see / feel feet / slow breathing The point is: you want a “default mode” so you’re not scrambling.
5) For emetophobia, don’t bargain with your fear all day
A helpful approach is: keep checking less, reassurance less, and avoidance less (not aggressively—just gradually). Anxiety often grows when it keeps getting fed with “proof” searches and “am I okay yet?” checking.
If you feel yourself wanting to mentally scan your body, try shifting to something neutral: “I’m noticing sensations; that doesn’t mean danger.”
6) Church / today specifically: let yourself choose a middle option
If you’re facing church in a few hours and it feels too hard, I’d rather you aim for a “partial success” than a crash.
For example:
go for part of it (even 10–20 minutes)
sit in a spot that feels safest for you
bring something that helps you feel steady (water, gum, earplugs, a familiar item) If you genuinely can’t go, it still doesn’t mean you “failed.” It means your anxiety is high—then the next step is lowering it a bit and planning what you’ll do next.
7) Consider telling one safe person ahead of time
Even one teacher / friend / counselor / parent can make a huge difference. You don’t have to give a full explanation—something like:
“I’ve been dealing with anxiety and a health flare-up, and I’m working on getting through the start of the year. If I need a minute, I’ll ask.”
That way, you’re not white-knuckling alone.
8) Online vs in-person: you can think “plan,” not “hide forever”
Switching online could be a valid coping tool—but you don’t have to frame it as permanent or endless. It can also be framed like: “I’m choosing the option that helps me build stability now, and I’ll reassess after the first few weeks.”
That said, only you know what feels safest for your situation—just try not to let fear make the decision in the moment.
