How do you stop caring about unhelpful things?

Kind of an ironic question when it comes to OCD for sure, but it's gotten to the point where it's just getting in the way of my emotionally well being. I don't think it's OCD related in this case however. It's about dating and romance. It's not that I don't care about it at all, but it seems to be the one thing I'm thinking about non-stop and it seems to be piling up time and time again. Whether it's love songs, seeing couples, dating ads, topics about dating, etc. Again I don't hate these things but they seem to bring up exhaustion, shame, and feelings of being down. I know why these feelings exist when it comes to this stuff but I just want to not care. How do I just not care at much about this stuff? How do I be at peace with it? I talked about it with a friend and it helped but these feelings just come back after a while. How do I just embrace what I DO have, focus on these things, and not this? The only reason this makes me feel bad is because of how it made me felt in high school, which I think is a really rough, difficult period in my life that I'm glad I'm past. I couldn't help but internalize how intimacy somehow made you better than others and I see this message subtly being tossed into the world as well, like being a virgin when you're a quarter into adulthood or not having a first kiss or whatever. In reality, this stuff shouldn't matter. What makes my life the life I want to be matters. But I just don't believe that deep down. I believe the opposite unfortunately. How does this change? Do I have to tell myself the opposite every single time? Again and again until my mind finally goes "Ok I've accepted this like 50 times, I can believe it now" I'm just over these feelings really. Even if they aren't believable, which they AREN'T, they don't feel that way. I know I shouldn't feel this way or believe it, but I do.

403mjt

Date posted: 6h

I've learned that I do have to give attention to every thought I have. I can let them float by without "answering or figuring out" the thought or what it means.

kolok

Date posted: 6h

I've had tons of similar recurring thoughts and emotions, because society does prioritizes intimacy, relationships and other things very heavily but in a way where they feel tied to self worth and other insecure internal emotions. It almost feels like making being wanted into a competition. I think one thing that's built in my mind over time about this that's helped me is that yes these things are important to how I feel about myself, so I can't avoid caring about them. Instead I use those emotions to better myself and in doing so love from others is a byproduct. I think OCD spirals can be like gravity. We feel this strong pull, but we can use that pull instead of letting it keep us down. It's using that pull to make things better for ourselves instead of trying to constantly work against it, because at best that's barely functioning with a weight on you and at worst it's falling. Or in the case of the gravity comparison, it's using a sled to get down a hill rather than ignoring the decline while walking down until you trip.

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