Sometimes I hate talking about my ocd

I got a message on my phone and it was my moms name and captial one so I clicked it and it was a bill collector and it got me thinking that my family uses my name, email and number for everything. The address even tracks back to when I had my spiral through those years of thinking I’m saying my intrusive or typing them, if I were to type of my intrusive thoughts into google and she had my password and logged in then she seen all them. I’ve had this same intrusive thought for almost 3 years and it’s a 2 word one, it’s not good in any context unless it’s said at the context of a monster and true crime. If I accidentally typed that then I’m also a monster because she seen that.

ben123

Date posted: Yesterday

Typing words = not a monster

Anonymous

Date posted: Yesterday

@ben123 If you would understand the thought, I’m even scared to type it. It has no context of anything outside of people who do unimaginable things.

ben123

Date posted: Yesterday

@Anonymous That’s what OCD tells you

Sunshine79

Date posted: Yesterday

You are not a monster. You are having an intrusive thought & the fact that it is bothering you so much proves that you know it is not what you would really want. It is just a thought & ocd tries to make us feel like it is real & it is not. It sounds like your ocd is attaching itself to someone you love because that’s what ocd does - it makes us feel distressed about the people/things that are the most important to us. That is what I’m learning anyway & trying to accept in my own life. Best wishes to you. You will be ok. 🩷

Anonymous

Date posted: Yesterday

@Sunshine79 I will try, it follows me everywhere. I can’t type it because it has no context unless it’s being said about a monster or true crime.

Sunshine79

Date posted: Yesterday

@Anonymous I totally understand that feeling that the thoughts are following you everywhere. It’s really hard for me to stop my thoughts & it’s is very distressing. I’m having a hard time right now too, but I know eventually it will pass. I am working with a psychiatrist on medication management & started therapy. Please keep getting help & you will get through it. I have experienced many different ocd themes throughout my life & at some point I feel like they fade away eventually, for the most part. I get to the point where I can manage. It’s just getting there is the hard part. But we can do it! You’ve got this! 🩷

Anonymous

Date posted: 19h

@Sunshine79 Thank you, I know when I restart therapy on here because they don’t take my insurance so I pay outta pocket but lost my job and got a new one but my bf told me he’s gonna start paying towards what I owe so I can get help. So when i start my new job plus his help I think I can actually start doing good again. The only reason I couldn’t do it anymore because my therapist recommended an out patient program because of how severe my ocd was and i agreed and she discharged me. I needed therapy basically everyday and this app only allows 3 times a week. But she thinks it’s best if I come back and I’m happy to because she’s the best. I know she’s going to make me say the word out loud, write it or anything. So I’m not prepared but my bf actually brung up the idea to do so and ripe it up. But I got scared

Sunshine79

Date posted: 4h

@Anonymous It sounds like you have a good plan & good support from your bf. I’m sending good vibes & support your way! You can get through this!! Keep moving forward! 🩷

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