Contamination OCD

TW for bugs/maggots I don't really need anything but support at the moment. Anything is appreciated. ❤️ I get really bad migraines, they're typically about 8 days long. Well, I recently had a migraine that lasted over 20 days and hasn't technically ended. Since the 22ish day mark though, they've been very low pain and I've been able to move. But for those 20 days I was very hardly functioning and horizontal for most of it. Because of this, I was unable to do much housework and I live alone, I couldn't afford help, and I was too embarrassed to ask for help (it also often feels impossible for me to ask for help). I put my energy into making sure that my cats were taken care of the whole time and that's about all I had much energy for. Because of this, I started to get fruit flies around my sink, then one day I look and what seems like maggots are all over my dishes. It took me a long time but I completely threw out every dish and silverware I owned, even if it wasn't in the sink, but most of it was already, then at that point I started to doubt what had touched them or if flies had laid microscopic eggs because that's what Google said they can do when I was figuring out how to sanitize the sink. One of the sinks has actually had water in it for days bc I just don't want to scrub away the dead...larvae? Maggots? Whatever they are. I'm not writing this about the dishes. Or the bugs. I'm writing this because I am deeply struggling with my mind and my OCD. I am still new to accepting that I might have OCD, and lately it's been very difficult for me. I don't have the finances to get really any kitchenware, and now eating is extremely difficult. I have put myself in such a harder position thinking that I was keeping myself safe. And the thing is, I knew the dishes could be cleaned. But I knew that it would never sit right with me and I would always wonder if I ate an egg or something.

Norahlovescats

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 6h

I understand exactly how your mind processes a situation like this. I had a similar thought today while eating my lunch at work. I opened my kiwi in half, and needed to walk away for about 5 seconds and in those 5 seconds I kept being sure that a gnat was going land on my kiwi, lay eggs, then I would consume this, and make me sick. I hated that thought because I didn’t want it to ruin my enjoyment of my kiwi. I knew I needed to accept that was an extremely low probability, and be confident in myself to battle those unwanted thoughts. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, sending you strength. Also one random suggestion, I also struggle with dishes and contamination thoughts attached to dishes, but one thing that helps me with this is buying a pack of paper/plastic plates so that they can go right in the trash and not have to worry about them sitting in the sink to ease those thoughts wanting to creep in. I just pick mine up at a dollar store when I’m extra tight on finances. You’re not alone, you got this!

Anonymous

Date posted: 5h

Thank you so much seriously 😭😭😭thank you for sharing that thought with me I know that is a really vulnerable and personal thing. I totally forgot about paper plates somehow thank you!!! This does help me a lot actually because it reminds me there's also like disposal pans that can go in the oven and stuff to help me get by a little further. Today I got some stuff to make sandwiches to make my life a little easier. I'll def remember your suggestion.

Anonymous

Date posted: 5h

I don't feel like I see a lot of stuff about contamination OCD on here, and I feel like it's slightly more taboo to share the thoughts and compulsions that come with it, so it is really reassuring that you took the time to share thiswith me. Thank you. And yes it can really change what you're eating!!! I only recently found out that scanning your food and picking out the "odd bits" could be a part of contamination OCD. I definitely do this especially with the white floury parts of bread just in case it's mould (even though that isn't how mould works anyway)

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