someone respond with SOMETHING PLEASE

Honestly i don't know exactly what to say but i want to let you know that i think this us just ocd talking. Nothing in this situation sounds like anything I personally would worry about. Not saying this to dismiss you i just hope you are able to feel better because i really feel like this is just a tough ocd moment. To calm yourself down when you get these thoughts try entertaining multiple senses at once, like listening to a podcast with a candle lit while while drinking something yummy and doing a craft. Also Sometimes i tell myself "i will think about this later, it does not need to be addressed right now" and it helps. I hope you feel better soon

I will and can only really say one thing. I have experienced something SIMILAR but not the same. Let me explain… I have had a coworker before that yes, I found attractive but did not want in any capacity for reasons of his character and in general I was just not interested in him like that. and it made me icked out to even think about acting on my THOUGHTS bc of it. I say thoughts instead of feelings bc I knew what my thoughts were telling me wasnt what I was actually feeling. Those thoughts being, imagining us outside partying together, hooking up, kissing, being in a relationship having cute moments chatting in the car at night..… I even dreamt about him and not just once. I found him cute but that was literally IT!!! No bone in my body wanted to pursue anything or even really wanted to be thinking of him at all. However my thoughts spiraled every time I saw him and I felt a little awkward inside when id be around him like he was feeling it too or could read my mind. VERY WEIRD!!! Bc again like you said, when i didnt see him i didnt think abt him. not even once, unless I had a dream and just thought it was weird and it went away afterwards leaving no residual feelings. I think you need to try your best to trust yourself. You know who you want and you know who u dont want. I think this started for me too when I was at odds with my partner at the time and it really bothered me bc I didnt want to feel or think abt any of it and felt i was silently cheating or being disloyal because at one moment for a split second, my brain got excited at the idea of something new but I think that is normal to experience after a break up when you start thinking about somebody else in any kind of romantic way. It really bothered me but I knew who I was and said no to the thoughts and tried to replace them. It didnt necessarily fix the issue of the thoughts coming, but I started realizing when they came, they didnt actually reflect my truth and I just simply tried to not gaf about them. And it worked because I know and trusted how I truly felt and didn’t let the false ideations control my actions or morals. yes it’s still bothered me, but I didn’t accept it as the truth and gave all of my normal energy to the person I was with. I think it gets more complicated for you because you have expressed these thoughts to your ex and made it something he can’t unhear, instead of keeping it to yourself and trying to manage it. to note, I never told my partner because I knew there was no validity to those thoughts, even though they came doesn’t mean that I had to identify with them. Just like the saying, you are not your thoughts. The OCD part is the overthinking and the uncertainty it makes you feel and the confusion that comes with it. You are spiraling about it because those thought spirals are imminent and you are actively having to deal with it out loud because your ex knows about it. I read a comment on your other post that mentioned you don’t have to tell anyone how you’re feeling, especially when you’re unsure of the thoughts yourself. I agree. In my experience, it makes things way more complicated than they need to be because it’s already complicated enough in your own mind saying it out loud when you’re unsure just makes it worse because now it’s somebody else’s burden to carry and I don’t mean to say that in any kind of harsh way. I really, really really hope this gave you a little bit of reassurance to hear a similar experience. I can tell by your post this is really weighing heavy on your spirit. I know there’s differences to what we both have experienced however, I am really wishing you some mental clarity and ease going forward. Best of luck and feel free to respond. I will definitely reach out once I see it if you had anything else you wanted to say! also, I apologize in advance if there’s any typos!