is this ocd or a genuine issue i should confront my friend?

i have a lot of ocd with racism so i don’t know if this is me blowing it out of proportion or it’s actually an issue.. i have a friend who is white that says some things that could be considered from aave. recently, i’ve just been extremely uncomfortable that i’ve been leaving it alone instead of just saying something, but i’m afraid that they won’t listen to me if i say something because we’ve had issues before with the topic of racism (some things they don’t think are racist when i think they’re racist, and their opinion will not budge, even when being confronted by a person of color which has happened. the situation was about them staying friends with someone who said some racist stuff, and their defense was that someone has to teach that friend that what he’s saying is wrong, which i don’t fully disagree with but i found it strange.) they’ve been saying “alright” and “cool” in a way that i think is aave, and i’m afraid that they won’t believe me or won’t listen to me because i’ve had very bad racism ocd in the past, and they understand ocd very well because they also have the condition. i really love this friend and we’re really close, but i’m scared of leaving this alone because i don’t think they should be saying this stuff and i don’t want to be compliant with that. what should i do???

titaniumonetwo

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 20h

It's hard to judge this without knowing what they're saying specifically but i think you should probably remember you're not responsible for them specifically. If they say something in front of you that you don't like then something like "hey, please don't say stuff like that" might be appropriate but I'd verge on the side of you saying less rather than more especially since it relates to an OCD area for you

anon7336474864

Date posted: 16h

it was in a casual setting and i know they didn’t mean it in a mocking way or anything like that. i’m just feeling a bit paralyzed because i really want to make the right decision, and if i just passively mentioned it with a phrase like “please don’t say stuff like that,” they wouldn’t stop saying it unless if i gave a good reason, because they’re always kind of confident that nothing they’re doing is racist. even if i wasn’t the one who said it, i’m still friends with them and to me that means i condoned it enough to continue being their friend while not confronting them. i’m sort of at a tough decision because i want to do what’s right, but if i bring up questioning if they said something racist for the millionth time they’ll probably be upset with me again. i know that this is most likely bringing me a lot of stress because i had a few racism themed ocd episodes in this past week, but that doesn’t mean i should stop doing what i think is right… i don’t know, it’s really complicated

titaniumonetwo

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 16h

@anon7336474864 This reads to me more like OCD. They said something that wasn't meant mockingly that you're very sensitive to and you mention "for the millionth time". If bringing it up with them is in order to make you feel less anxious/better, treat it as an OCD compulsion and accept that you might be wrong.

anon7336474864

Date posted: 15h

@titaniumonetwo - thanks for the advice, i’ll try to remember it more often when i’m spiraling like this.. being wrong seems so consequential but i’ll try to handle it if it comes up

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