So I’m having a Colonoscopy

So I’m having a colonoscopy and I’m nervous. I know it’s good for me and let’s say I do have something it’s better to address in time but I’m scared it’s going to be something malignant. I see myself wanting to make plans for the days after my procedure but my brain tells me don’t make plans because you might have a polyp and it might be bad so you have to stay worried or doing things as average as possible so it doesn’t happen or maybe you’re prepared for it. I wanted to go on a date with my husband this Friday but my brain says well what if you can’t enjoy it because you have to wait for the results. What if you’re waiting to die. I wanted to paint my nails red but my brain says Dont, it’s a color you can paint after you’re sure you don’t have to worry about anything. Any advice?

remoor02

Date posted: 16h

I've had two colonoscopy's so far and I've got an extensive family history of colon cancer and polyps so when I woke up (best nap of your life and best part of the experience other than immediately seeking food) the first thing they tell you after establishing your feeling good and awake enough to retain how the procedure went, they give you a summary of their findings (I even got pictures). If they found polyps they generally fully remove them for biopsy (those are the results you would need to wait on) or if they saw anything else that was clinically relevant. With my family history, I had the going in expectations I would have polyps and for both colonoscopy's I did. I don't know if you have heard of or know anything about the Schrödinger's Cat Theoretical Physics Experiment. The thought experience helps me a little bit with intrusive worries about potential scenario's where unknown will become a known once the results come back or in the thought experiment, the box is opened. Once the box is closed (you've done the colonoscopy) the cat is both simultaneously alive and dead and no action or lack of action you take has any impact until the box is opened. Schrödinger’s cat reframes my thoughts when I'm waiting for answers and I am worried and wanting to regain the feeling of control, that spinning through choices or pre-emptively attempting to mentally prepare cannot alter what is inside the sealed box. The outcome is independent of the worry. Until the box is opened, you are allowed to live, breathe, and function in the present moment. I know this reframing trick may not be a source of comfort for anyone else but sometimes it helps me. I wish you the best of luck, and you are absolutely smart to get the colonoscopy and not delay the procedure.

Candal

Date posted: 13h

@remoor02 Thank you so much for offering your experience and insight. Just replying helps me out and makes me feel like there’s other people out there that have gone through what I am going through now. I know you’re right. Once it’s done it’s done and no amount of worrying can change it. I guess my OCD makes me feel like my magical thinking or actions can ch age that but I guess that OCD grasping for straws. Or me, grasping for any little bit of control I can have left.

remoor02

Date posted: 2h

@Candal I absolutely feel the same way and find myself often feeling that desperate grasping at straws way attempting to feel any semblance of control. As an engineer I think logic concepts like that thought experiment resonate more with me serving as a nerdy fact reminder that no matter how much I can want the cat to be alive, all the control is inside the closed box and I'm outside the box. In a weird way understanding and trusting that physics and math are reliable and being able to relate logic and feelings to something as controlled as science creates a suedo sense of control...I'm not sure I'm explaining that well but I find it helpful. The physics concept of Entropy also strangely is like a reverse psychology for me too, but that could be a function of my ADHD Neurodivergent brain 🤷🏼

jennjack

Date posted: 12h

I, too, go on the 30th for colonoscopy and the thing where they run a tube down your throat. I’ve been so worried for 6 weeks now!

Candal

Date posted: 10h

@jennjack We’ve got this. It’s better to be there and get the help we need than not at all.

remoor02

Date posted: 2h

I've also had an endoscopy too. They did one with my last colonoscopy. The fact they can multitask doing both during the best nap of my life and then you don't have to do the torture of fasting and the prep multiple times is beneficial. Maybe this is just because the hanger is the worst part for me, but after waking up and finally being able to eat again is insanely satisfying emotionally and physically to the point I almost look forward to it, which sounds nuts lol

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