Will this ever go away?

I've had OCD since I'm child. I'm 22 now and I had the biggest spike in years because I got in a relationship 4 months ago and my OCD had been hell since. From Harm OCD to ROCD to POCD to SOOCD etc. I had every subtype. It feels like a cycle I can't escape and it feels so real. I can't deal with feeling like a cheater, a bad person, a predator, a liar anymore... my therapist is not really helping me either any I'm scared of taking medication. What if my worries are not OCD? I don't know how to tell if they're real problems..feelings..and issues. I know feelings and thoughts are NOT facts but they're still in my head and I feel like a monster for being with my partner. I just wanna be with him but my head tells me I actually don't or I'm in love with others or..that I'm a monster.. I don't feel like ME anymore like something switched since I got into that relationship. Trigger warning for the following part! ❤️ I feel dead even tho I'm so in love with him. I'm so young and feel like I'm wasting my life in my head and sometimes I wish I wasn't here anymore honestly.

leejazz

Date posted: Yesterday

I too have had it since I was a child and I’m 22 as well and I feel like mine got worse after the Covid pandemic with contamination ocd but mine spiraled out of control because of a stressful period as well as stopping my medicine and it was right before my period. Oh hun that’s the thing about ocd is we feel this too so you’re definitely not alone. OCD is one of those things that is mentally exhausting and frustrating to live with and some things can give it a flare up like a stressful period in your life, period hormones can cause stress and mood swings, some meds, big changes in your life etc. I was so depressed when my ocd was spiraling out of control and I didn’t want to be here anymore, I actually got on here 9 weeks ago for the first time because I was struggling badly to just live and be here and I wanted to hear what other people go through so that I didn’t feel so isolated and alone in this. It honestly helped me to hear from people who were struggling similarly which I’ve never experienced before but with people in this community who are understanding and empathetic without judgement. OCD isn’t just something that goes away with medication or even just therapy, but it is possible for the noise in your head to diminish. It doesn’t have to control your life and I know it can feel that way, but ERP and continuing therapy with a good therapist is good. You deserve to be here and we’ll always be here for you. 🫂🫶🏼

lizisdizzy

Date posted: Yesterday

@leejazz Thank you for sharing, knowing I'm not alone makes me feel better in some kind of way. I remember getting this app too like a few months ago when it started again and I'm so glad I can come back here. I know that we'll feel better someday, it just makes it so incredibly hard to live. Feeling so guilty all the time. I feel like there's no worse human emotion than guilt and shame.. Sending you so much strength your way. I know we're going to look back at this one day when it actually did get better. ❤️

leejazz

Date posted: 15h

@lizisdizzy Yes, you’re definitely right on that because ocd will latch onto what you hate the most or go against who you are and that guilt and shame feels so incredibly intense and strong, but yes you’re not alone at all and for sure I didn’t realize before coming on here how many people related to what I convinced myself I was crazy of. Sending strength and love straight back at you! Yes I believe that too that we’ll look back and see the difference and hopefully feel better! You got this!! :)

lizisdizzy

Date posted: 13h

@leejazz We've got this! 🫡

leejazz

Date posted: 13h

@lizisdizzy Yes we’ve got this!🫡

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