Plz help need advice

This is so insanely long I’m so sorry! But if people can take a look at this and give me their honest raw opinion that would be amazing thank you! - I feel I come up with new thoughts to continue to ask God for forgiveness - I can sometimes easily stop thoughts from forming completely and be present in the moment when I ignore the first few thoughts that pop up. - I want God to see that I am trying to cancel the thoughts out and not let them happen and be like God sees me trying to stop them. - it’s also so easy for me to not think so I’m like it’s 100% me conjuring them up and forming them cause I’m like wait I can literally just stop and I do. I can also easily imagine normal things in my mind of myself like wholesome things and I like switch it to insanity but I’m like wait Faith stop and then the heinous thoughts get triggered if that makes sense. I also feel myself honing in and like spazzing out like physically to reject the thought. It’s like I don’t want the thought but I conjure it up and feel no remorse or anything but then other times I get anxiety for like a split second and then easily move on. - I like taunt my mind to conjure up thoughts. - when I get frustrated or impatient the bad thoughts come back or I feel the need to say them to get something to work cause I get annoyed - When I get excited to maladaptive daydreaming I think a blasphemous thought to get out of the excitement and to not maladaptive daydream. I feel conviction to not do the daydreaming, but I ignore it and then ask for forgiveness after knowing that is most likely what I should not be doing, but I do it anyway cause it makes me so joyful and happy. - I’m like going back and thinking of people to take the bad thoughts out on. I’m like going down a list - I can think about a situation so normally sometimes, but then I remind myself I’m like wait I have to think about this sexually. - I’ll be looking to say something terrible and bad in my mind, but then I’m like wait don’t say anything at all like you don’t need to say a word or say anything mean and then I’m able to stop completely. - I try to get my mind going to like get my nervous system going to like become nervous, scared and to cancel them out to be like “wait these thoughts are not mine” like trying to prove something. I don’t want them to be mine but sometimes I don’t care if they are or not. - also feel like if something bad happens to me then all these things will stop. So I’m starting to think all these thoughts are me cause like I know they would stop probably.