What now?

Hey mamas! Please, I need honest feedback from the moms on here. I just had my first baby and I’m obsessed. I never knew I could love someone so much. My sweet tiny angel baby is absolutely perfect. Even when fussy at 2am with a blowout and my spit-up covered t-shirt. No complaints. Here’s the issue. I don’t think I love my husband as much as I love my baby. In fact, I suddenly started to struggle with even liking my husband most days. It’s like I had my baby and my brain said: “we got what we needed, thanks- now leave me alone”… I feel guilty because deep down I know I really do love him.. I think? No, of course I do. Anyway, I hate seeing him so down on himself for how distant I’ve become and how very NOT interested I am with *intimacy* currently. I can tell he thinks I’ve stopped loving him and I try not to be so cold.. between sleep exhaustion and postpartum hormones I can’t tell what’s real anymore. I’m scared we’re becoming roommates. But… what if I don’t have the “want” to fix it? What is happening? How long does this feeling last and is there something wrong with how much I love my baby?

HeroJones

Date posted: 18h

I “hated” him during pregnancy and “despised” him postpartum. I PROMISE it’s hormones and Momma mode. You have something way more important than your marriage (my perception) if he knows you have OCD, it’s worth explaining how OCD and hormones affects marriages initially and that it’s only temporary.

Anonymous

Date posted: 17h

Hello, this sounds like ocd and postpartum depression. Therapy and medication should be talked about. However it’s completely normal even in pregnancy that hormones change a lot. I love my partner and I’m currently pregnant but sometimes I can’t stand being around him but when he’s at work I miss him. The smell of him makes me nauseous but I continue to be near him, he finds it funny because he knows everything about pregnancy and how it should be handled. This should be talked about with your partner as well, so you can build up that relationship but it’s most definitely the intrusive thoughts eating at your postpartum.

Karen but no...

Date posted: 16h

Old mama with grown children here!👋🏻 It’s normal!! I have 3 kids and after each one was born I went into “I alone can keep this child alive” mode. I was exclusively breastfeeding which made it worse because none would take a bottle. I had this realization of how important I was to the survival of this new adorable human being. And my husband could take care of himself! My babies also fulfilled what I call my “touch quotient”. I just couldn’t be touched any more by any thing. It’s like a perfect storm against the partner- I just couldn’t be touched, had anxiety and was overwhelmed, was post partum, and felt like I existed my whole life JUST FOR THAT moment- to be this babies mom. Unfortunately for my husband I didn’t realize all this was happening, and he just hung in there- it’s been 30 years. I am now a pediatric nurse in a large practice and I see this all the time. I talk a lot about my experience so it comforts the moms. With all you are dealing with, the last thing you need is guilt. Let it go. We all do the best we can at the moment. Ask for help when you need it, and encourage your husband to do the same. Thankfully things get better as they grow up. Congrats and good luck. It’s the hardest job in the world- for BOTH of you. ❤️❤️

ProbablyFine...

Date posted: 11h

@Karen but not a Karen I really needed to hear this. Thank you. Sincerely

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