eating this order

hi ive gone thru anorexia recovery, to answer your last question, if you'll "ever be ok in your own skin someday", we discussed that a lot with my providers. it's kind of similar to ERP or opposite action but we need to learn to train our brains to eat without any "conditions" or if it will lead us to being "okay" with our bodies. regardless of how we feel about our bodies, we need to learn that it shouldnt be a factor dictating whether or we do or don't feed ourself. its very hard but we also learned about "body neutrality" rather than "body positivity" because complete positivity about our bodies isnt always possible! even for people without eating disorders! body neutrality teaches the person to pay attention to what their body is doing for them rather than what how it looks, and reminds us to look at our body as what it is: a body. for instance, if you're having judgmental thoughts about how your arms look, you can switch your mindset to thinking about what they do for you instead: they pick things up for you, they help you drive, they help you give other people hugs, etc. i know this may potentially be a frustrating answer to get but i still hope it helps somewhat. i feel like eating disorders are similar to anxiety and OCD because we are doing something to feel more comfortable to avoid discomfort and anxiety, and the treatment is ultimately the same: learning to live with discomfort, not trying to aim to feel better or dispel anxiety by a changing your actions, because it only reinforces that we need to be restricting food in the first place. i really hope you can see an ED dietician even though i know its scary, because i dont know how much you are experiencing malnutrition or if you are at all, but if you are, then it can make our perception of ourself skewed because we are not feeding our brains, and it can make applying these principals even harder, and also intensify OCD even more! i wish the best for you and im sorry if this isnt the answer that you wanted, i just wanted to put my 2 cents in as someone whos recovered

This is so hard especially right now with everyone taking ozempic and all these wellness influencers and people talking about protein and calories EVERYWHERE. It's very hard to feel good in your body. I have this problem too, the second I eat something, even if it's as little as a peace of bread I suddenly gain conciousness of my belly and it's the only thing I can focus on and I feel guilty for eating. Personally, I've been trying to shift my mindset to care more about being healthy than skinny according to beauty standards. So whenever I feel bad about eating I remind myself that I need food to function and I look rationally at what I ate today and usually it's a very regular amount of food, sometimes probably less than I should probably eat. I also never ever count calories or weight myself. I don't know if the advice about reminding myself that I haven't ate more than I should is helpful as it could act as reassurence. But your physical health is the most important and you should definetly not restrict yourself from eating at all because of your ocd. Let it say whatever it wants and keep living life like any other person who eats when they are hungry.