Ad just triggered me, yet again.

Hey, sorry that you're having a hard time, sending you support! Are you in erp therapy? This sounds like pretty classic OCD and something that erp could help a lot with. In the meantime, I really like using the RPMs "I don't need to answer that question/figure this out right now" and "no answer will ever be good enough for my OCD". You got this!

believe me, I’ve been through this a lot, but pushing away the thoughts and making yourself feel horrible about is certainly not going to do anything. It’s horrifying, I know but the best you can do right now is sit with the thoughts and do a response prevention. for example, ‘I’m not sure what I’m thinking about, but it’s scary.’ you have to address it. it’s hard but you will get through this. I believe in you. I recommend texting your therapist about this and talk about ERP. ERP is hard, you most likely will not want to do it consistently, talking from experience because I avoided ERP until I decided ignoring it wasn’t going to do anything. POCD is a pain the ass, it was severe for me at one point where It felt like I wasn’t gonna make it through. I still struggle with these thoughts but I’ve learned how to manage them and address them. like I said, it’s difficult to manage thoughts like this since they are just intrusive. It doesn’t mean that these thoughts are you as a person, it just means that they are intruding your mind and daily life, making it difficult to manage daily tasks, etc. But I really do believe in you. you will get through it, believe or not.

Groinal responses and feelings of attraction are intrusive at this point mainly because you’re scanning for it and trying so hard to prevent it. It is the nature of the brain to make us “feel” whatever we’re imagining feeling, which is why it feels so real. Your brain is basically placeboing you into thinking you’re attracted to minors because it’s searching for evidence. Don’t suppress thoughts and feelings and allow yourself to feel whatever. It doesn’t matter what happens because you aren’t a predator, I promise. The only things that matter and are your actions and behaviors. You absolutely feeling horrendous about any type of potential arousal toward a younger person tells me that you would never ever take any actions toward a minor in that way. Trust in who you are and what you value, despite what OCD is wanting you to think. It’s just a mind trick, that’s all. Even if it feels like it’s not. What you resist, persists. And give yourself some grace. At the end of the day we’re all just apes and our brains and bodies just come up with things outside of our control, probably stemming back to our primate days. Again, you can never really control automatic thoughts or feelings, only your actions and response.