My Real Events are too severe to forgive myself.

I'll keep this short. I have stuff to do and dont want to take up too much time. But I did so many horrible things from ages 12-15 that I can't cope with. I don't even know how I thought any of it was ever any kind of ok. Genuinely some of the worst things you can think of. I had forgotten for a good number of years, and this last year everything is hitting me like a train and it's so painful because of how much I've changed. Some people involved in these events are still in my life and I avoid them as much as I can because I don't want them to remember, I don't want them to feel any amount of pain.

dominique

Date posted: 9h

I’m right there with you. It’s really really hard to move forward in life after we’ve severely hurt the ones we love and not replay our worst and most embarrassing moments. I’ve burnt A LOT of bridges due to some real bad (and intentional) actions on my part. I isolated myself for years around others to avoid thinking about it and to try and “prevent” them from doing the same. But what I try to kindly remind myself are three fundamental truths: 1) You’re not that important 2) Not everyone is thinking about you 3) You can’t control what other people do or don’t think about We spend a lot of time trying to control everything and everyone around us, but understand we’re in therapy for this exact reason. Most people are worried about other people worrying about them lol! But keep on keeping on and don’t allow your brain to control you like a puppet. If someone has an issue with something you said or did from the past, they should speak up about it. It’s not your job to read anyone’s mind, and it’s their responsibility to address any unresolved issues with you if they see fit. The light at the end of the tunnel would eventually be getting to a place in your healing journey where you can go out of your way to make personal amends w/ them and forgive yourself as well. You (and I!) got this.

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 9h

@dominique Not sure about you, but this has been the hardest thing for me to face with my OCD. It’s awful and then sends you on a spiral for feeling narcissistic. I tend to draw back from people when I’ve made a mistake whether real or OCD real. What was super liberating was realizing that honestly, nobody cares. You are not the center of their universe. It’s tough but it truly helps! Some of my exposure is purposely not filtering everything I say. I love finding people with similar OCD to me, makes me feel less alone! ❤️

dominique

Date posted: 9h

@Anonymous No problem. We’re all in it together.

Anonymous

Date posted: 8h

@Anonymous One of the most oddly liberating experiences of my teen years was losing a friendship and then realizing a couple years later that I deserved to lose her as a friend because I didn't treat her well. It was painful, yes, and I felt bad, but it also allowed me to take accountability and realize life tends to give you consequences anyway, so why give yourself more? If that makes sense. I learned how to be a better friend and improved my actions and how I treat people because of that. Other people will make the choice how to respond to our actions, and we have control over deciding to grow from them and moving forward. It changed my perspective and I stopped holding so much responsibility for social things outside my control.

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