How do I know if it was a platonic crush

No but I was at a cheerleading Comp and there was this girl who was pretty I went on social media and found the cheer page and was looking at photos of her but I was like I wanted to look like her and I would always think about what her life was like so I go like do the same things and like wear what she wore

@hiiiii Ok I don't think that's acrush. You probably felt a need to be like her. I experienced similar situation with a best friend way back in 1st grade and it haunts me

@lemondew Yeah but like I didn’t know her at all like I wanted to look like her so bad and be her friend but my parents think it wasn’t a crush

@hiiiii That's definitely not a crush!!

@lemondew Wow I experience the same as you @lemondew. I hate it! It once popped into my head when I was watching a movie and now it feels sooo real, but I don't want it. But my brain keeps messing around. What do you do?

@Jansen0495 I apply compulsions even though I'm not supposed to and when I don't take compulsions I just starts crying. There's nothing much I'm able to do about it. Despite this mess i feel sexually attracted to boys but at the same time I don't feel attracted to them? It's honestly confusing. I do ERP in the form of seeing videos or pics that trigger my HOCD. Do you do anything? :)

@lemondew Noo :(, I'm on a waiting list for a therapist but I don't even know if he/she practises ERP... so for now I avoid my friends, I know I shouldn't be doing that be at least I'm less anxious. I love girls and they're the most beautiful thing god ever created, but still my brain keeps bullshittin around!!!!

@lemondew Not meant to trigger you by that. I'm sorry. Of course you are into guys, but for me girls are the prettiest things in the world

@Jansen0495 In my country taking therapy or going to a therapist is seen as a taboo and looked down upon. In my case, boys are some comfortable and handsome beings to be with. Since I don't have any friends at school show I'm not that anxious but I fear I really am gay. I don't want to have sex with a female, tbh it's kind of disgusting in a way

@lemondew That really sucks my friend. Can I ask you what country you're from?

@Jansen0495 You didn't trigger me at all haha. Boys are very comfortable beings to be with and since a young age I always had crushes in guys. I emotionally bonded with them very quickly than u did with females and after puberty, the thought of kissing them makes me feel warm inside. But my brain has to ruin everything by morphing my fantasies onto females

@Jansen0495 I'm from India. Tbh I didn't expect you'd ask but thanks :)

@lemondew Of course:) I'm always interested in the people whom I speak with, especially what heritage they have

@Jansen0495 Oh that's very nice. Well if u don't mind, where are you from?

@lemondew Netherlands:)

@Jansen0495 Oh cool :)

@lemondew No but like I would always think about her like what does she do so I can copy and I wanted to her friend because I couldn’t be her and I remember having like one Romantic thought about her but I wanted to be her

@hiiiii I had this same though about a girl who was my friend waaayyy back in 2010. My brains telling me I was romantically attracted to her. It's much more confusing because I had romantic and sexual thoughts about boys

@lemondew Like it doesn’t mean it was a crush if I had like one romantic or sexual thought right like I’m freaking out

@hiiiii I don't think or hope it is. Reading your situation is making me kind of anxious though. Like do you think i am probably gay??

@lemondew No do u think I am

@hiiiii Nope. You seem extremely anxious and straight

@lemondew Okay good because I remember always wanting to look like her and like be her friend and dress in what she wears

@hiiiii Yeah same. Is it considered a sign of I badly wanted to be friends with girls online and got kind of happy when I got their message??

@hiiiii And this didn't happen with all girls either only specific ones

@lemondew No same but at the time I just wanted new friends so yeah like I tried dming her to like be her freind that isn’t a crush right

@hiiiii Like I’m just uncomfortable atm

@hiiiii Yeah, I kind of get my mind distracted by playing Duolingo lol but its ok you're gonna be fine

@hiiiii I really hope it wasn't

@lemondew Sorry last thing do u think I am And do u think it was a crush

@hiiiii No I don't think so

No I can never imagine doing that feels kind of thing weird and unnatural