Are you in treatment for OCD right now? If you’re not but have the opportunity to, I’d highly recommend trying a therapist specializing in ERP. If you’ve been on this app for a while, this is probably not a new comment for you… (sorry lol)
I very much so relate to your experience. I won’t share my triggers in this post because I don’t necessarily think that’s helpful, but I’ve been having a really hard time with ROCD thoughts and guilt because of those thoughts.
ROCD has been my main subtype for years, and it really really sucks because it feels like you’re in this alternate reality where everything is on fire all the time in your head, but in actual reality, things are actually pretty normal. At my worst, my ocd results in physical reactions to my intrusive thoughts and all day spirals over analyzing my relationship and my feelings towards it.
This has actually been what I’ve been primarily working through with my therapist, and I think you’ve hit the nail on the head with your ending questions.
1. There are ways to cope, but it’s going to seem impossible and also maybe feel like it won’t work in the moment. The thing that I talked with my therapist about today is to start an action when I am inclined to analyze or check my feelings. So for example, taking walks helps me, reading a book, taking a bath, etc. it seems like you have a hard time right now doing things outside of the spiral. Super relatable, and not abnormal (I’ve been having a hard time with this too). If possible, create situations in which you physically go outside of your house for like an hour. Go watch a movie, to the gym, hang out with friends. You’re gonna want to revert back to spiraling, but it’s a lot harder to do that when you’re doing a HIIT class or you’re watching the new spiderman. The goal isnt to avoid the thoughts, it’s about doing something you want to do, living your life, whike these thoughts are happening. This won’t be easy, but you can do it. And it will eventually get easier over time.
2. I don’t think the goal is to stop worrying. OCD wants our worries to feel like security risks. Does this mean that all of our triggers will result in catastrophic consequences? I think you know the answer to this question, even if it feels like the answer is yes every time. We are all human. We all have worries and anxieties. The goal isn’t to stop worrying, but really to just acknowledge that worry doesn’t always equal a bad consequence.
3. The questions you ask yourself are a false sense of security. Your brain wants to protect you by saying that you will only be safe if you have absolute certainty, but absolute certainty doesn’t really exist anywhere. There will always be uncertainty, but that doesn’t always equal a bad consequence. These spiral questions feel like torture, and it feels like they’ll never end. The only way to combat them is to not engage with them. I’m not very good at this right now… lol but that’s why I’m in therapy.
Ultimately, recovery from OCD isn’t linear and it isn’t easy. But, recovery is possible. Maybe we can work on my therapy homework together: 1. Recognize the start of the spiral 2. Say “Oop, having some of those thoughts” 3. Acknowledge that you want to engage with the thought but you won’t 4. Take a breath, and do something physical (get up, stretch, walk, drink water, etc). You’ll feel anxious and like you want to solve the discomfort while you live your life, but that’s okay and part of it. You doing things with the discomfort shows your brain that what it’s perceiving as a threat isn’t actually as dangerous and over time will make the thoughts less intense. I’m not quite there yet with my ROCD, but im choosing to believe that recovery is possible for me :)
You’re not alone!
