Am I manipulative?

If i did something within the realm of testing what my partners reaction to something would be, am I a bad person and manipulative? When i laid down for bed, I purposely left my phone open on a post about something relating to a problem in our relationship simply because I was hoping it would get him to ask me about it and we could talk i guess without having to bring it up myself. I struggle with worries of being annoying or repetitive when it comes to talking about serious issues, so I guess this seemed like a good alternative to try and jumpstart the conversation without having to be the one to start it. Im aware this is like. Super attention seeking behavior and im not proud of it in any way. i dont do anything to purposely make him feel bad or cause strain in the relationship, I guess i do just have bad avoidant behaviors so I try to be sneaky about it. My therapist has said behaviors like this could stem from my ocd and are compulsions as well which makes sense in certain circumstances, but im not so sure about this. Im not asking for sympathy or kindness, just the truth of if im a bad partner for this behavior.

A23

Date posted: 16h

Avoidance can also beyond OCD, not that you should ruminate on that, but we all can work on being more secure and less avoidant. Having healthy discussions is good for relationships

A23

Date posted: 16h

However I can say it is the OCD that will fixate on "bad or not" none of us are perfect. Acceptance of imperfection will help

A23

Date posted: 16h

Lastly I will say learning about attachment styles has been very interesting and relatable for me, but with our OCD we need to be careful not to over-research or over-intellectualize

stxrmads

Date posted: 16h

Thank you for your replies, I feel a little better about navigating this now

Jessica B.

Date posted: 16h

I don't think you’re a bad partner. What do you think would happen if you shared this post with your partner? Or otherwise explained to them what the issue you want to talk about is?

stxrmads

Date posted: 16h

The issue is an uncomfortable topic, but we both have had the hard conversations about it before. Its just hard because we both just get very sad. I guess I was hoping this would make him bring it up to me rather than me bringing it up to him, but instead it made him uncomfortable for the rest of the evening and just pretty down. Thats why I feel awful for it because I feel like I manipulated him into feeling that way. I dont know how he would feel if I told him "yeah I wanted you to see that on purpose to see what you would do". It just feels wrong and gross by default.

Jessica B.

Date posted: 16h

@stxrmads I think it’s great that you’re realizing that you have a problem. Everyone has problems. If you can get your partner to understand your problem, then you can work on solving it together.

A23

Date posted: 16h

@stxrmads For some people it could be the trauma/conditioning of growing up with conflicts, knowing this can help us judge less harshly and self-compassion/understanding

Anonymous

Date posted: 15h

No, it’s makes you human asking ways for help. Sometimes it takes people a while to physically communicate, try just talking to him because leaving open a message might just seem like you were reading something about it not hinting at anything. However you’re not a bad person, you find anxiety in conformation.

Anonymous

Date posted: 15h

@Anonymous Sorry confrontation*

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