Need somebody to talk to

@tsootsoo Did you read my more in depth post? I feel like I did more than just a causal lick my brain for months has been showing me images of more than that and a full blown intercourse and this was never a image I had years ago this just popped up. My brain convincing me maybe more just happened than just one thing, me and my bf tried to make common sense and my cherry would’ve popped because my cherry popped with my bf he’s my first everything but I’m scared since we were so little it didn’t matter.

@Anonymous I understand what you are trying to explain, and believe me what your brain says is not necessarily true and you were still a child at that time, Just let your brain say what it wants, just hang it there, no need to respond😻🙌🏻, and that happened in the past and you were still a child too, right? you wouldn't understand what happened at that time, and I don't think there's any need to look into it again and just enjoy the present.

@tsootsoo Do you feel like since everything was in a playful manner then I’m just worrying too much? I understand it being a casual lick but sometimes I feel like even that can traumatize somebody

@Anonymous Actually, I don't feel that it was like playful manner, but I just feel that at that time you were just an innocent child and didn't know what was happening, Isn't that how it is?

@tsootsoo The situation was playful, I played in the bathtub with all my siblings and we would play all that time. I guess jokingly I said “look lick” and didn’t expect to actually happen. I didn’t even know that was there, I don’t even remember saying lick and my ocd does I just have that action in my mind I just know we were playing and that happened. My bf told me to stop worrying but doing things at a young age doesn’t determine you now and it’s honestly wasn’t that serious im looking it as serious because my ocd is telling me I should’ve known better and is trying to make you out as a bad person. He’s completely right, I’m just scared that, that incident was probably traumatizing and that why he acts the way he does now. Granted I always believed he was autistic, he doesn’t like to be told right from wrong and he gets violent I had to physically fight him sometimes it also takes him a minute to process basic information but I was scared I caused that. I’m also scared if I was to bring it up then nobody would remember so I’m just bringing up stuff that nobody cares about.

@Anonymous Whatever the conditions were at that time, I am very sure that you did not intend to do it intentionally at that time, and I am sure that you did not know what was right and wrong at that time at that age, your boyfriend is right you shouldn't worry about that anymore.

@tsootsoo It’s okay to be honest and say I’m making a big deal out of nothing lol. Sometimes my bf has to tell me it’s not that serious so I can understand that’s my ocd. If something similar happened to you, how did you overcome feeling like the aggressor did you just ignore it?

@Anonymous Eumm in my case, when I was little, I also played house and played the role, but yes, there are several parts that if I remember myself today I would be very disgusted and feel cringe, and so it becomes a trigger for me and then disturbing images appear , even though what happened at that time was very common, such as "acting like a pregnant wife, sleeping together", but just idk why when my brain remembers that, it seems like wild and disturbing thoughts will appear, until today it happens but not as intensely, but yes there was a time when I was so panicked that it even carried over into my dreams, but my boyfriend always tells me "my dear, you have to focus on yourself in the present, if you dwell on the past or worry about the future, it won't be worth it", So if anxiety arises, I try to distract my body, such as just walking around the house, I just try to move on in those moments, and sometimes I just sit there and let the thoughts be without reacting to anything, and with that all the worry is not as intense as it used to be.

@tsootsoo Omg my bf says the samething, I get so scared that if I forget it that means I enable bad things. He tells me all time “I know you, I know your morals and all these thoughts and images doesn’t define you it’s not real, you put other above you” and he’s right I do let people walk over me I’m just scared honestly. I don’t want to say we went through the exact thing but similar was it ever this amount of inappropriate? And how were you able to let the images just be something you leave alone even though your working to living your life?

@Anonymous Honestly, I don't know either because what I'm aware of is not that intense now, or maybe it's because of other factors like my harm ocd which is more intense and stronger, so it shifts the other ocd themes that i suffer from, but still it doesn't change anything, ocd is still ocd and it is very torturous.