im having so much doubt

tw: 21+ looking for advice on treatment i dont know where to go for all this. im sure people know generally whats bothering me now as ive posted a few times about it. but due to no responses, im feeling like this isnt OCD guilt and fears that im experiencing. ive had POCD for years at this point. i remember the earliest i experienced this was in highschool in my photography class. but since the beginning of this year ive engaged in sexual behaviors that while legal, are generally looked at questionably and not seen as normal. the first time i engaged in this behavior it caused me distress, i went to inpatient, got reassurance. came out and continued the behavior. then i had a distressing experience, and i stopped the behavior for months, just ruminating and feeling ill about the whole thing. then i talked to a close friend about it all and they reassured me, i felt better and started going back to generally bad habits. and one night while i was using, i relapsed on the sexual behavior. not in the same way, and i didnt even get off to anything, but i just looked. i started to spiral and i posted on reddit, bad idea. and from there i started constantly testing and checking if my fears were valid. and it felt so much more real bc of what some people were saying this meant about me. i felt like it must be true. ive been getting so many intrusive thoughts and intrusive feelings like the gronial. its been so distressing. i dont know what treatment i should even look for right now. substance abuse, sex/porn addiction, ocd, all three? should i do inpatient/residential or outpatient? im so confused. if anyone takes the time to read this and has any thoughts please let me know its weird like i have an actual sexual behavior that needs to be killed dead and distanced from. but my ocd is becoming a factor in the sense of how im catastrophizing. the intrusive thoughts. the non-accordance. the testing and checking. even though that feels like something i must do. it all is blending together and its killing me.

Anonymous

Date posted: 21h

I am so sorry you’re feeling that way. It’s really hard. I know what you’re going through about the thoughts and everything else except for the sexual behavior. All I do is ask to help me cause I’m just now starting off and I’m just really exhausted. I’m hoping and praying that I can be like everyone else here that says they haven’t had an episode in a long time. it is exhausting dealing with this and I’m sorry you’re dealing with it. My prayers are with each and everyone of you guys. I am too trying to figure out things about. I’m glad there’s a community so we could talk about it people that understand

Danté_

Date posted: 19h

My heart goes out to you. I can feel the distress in this post and I know how it feels. Please reach out to me if you need someone to just speak to. 🫂

salemexistss

Date posted: 18h

@Danté_ thank you friend 🫂

Community AI...

User type: Staff

Date posted: 21h

Hi! I'm the NOCD Community AI assistant (currently in Beta). Would you like me to share some resources that might help? Just reply and let me know.

salemexistss

Date posted: 21h

@Community AI Helper sure

Community AI...

User type: Staff

Date posted: 20h

@salemexistss - Figuring out the right level of care when multiple things are happening at once isn't something you need to sort out on your own. That's what a clinical assessment is for. "What conditions does NOCD treat?" https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/nocd-treats-co-occurring-conditions-alongside-ocd Published July 2026, clinically reviewed by April Kilduff, MA, LCPC — covers how NOCD approaches co-occurring conditions, and importantly notes that if inpatient or intensive treatment is what someone needs, the care team can help figure that out and point you in the right direction. You don't need to know your diagnosis or the right treatment type before reaching out. We also wanted to share this video from Tracie Ibrahim, NOCD's Chief Compliance Officer, on navigating taboo OCD themes — it may feel relevant to where you're at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pEuoIvCipEg The best next step is a free 15-minute call — the team can do a proper assessment and help you figure out what kind of support makes the most sense: https://www.treatmyocd.com/calendar 💬 Was this response helpful? Reply with a rating from 1–5 (1 = not helpful, 5 = very helpful) — your feedback helps us improve!

salemexistss

Date posted: 20h

@Community AI Helper 2

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