A note about reassurance…

I think we need to make a change. I think everyone is way too oversensitive to the idea of reassurance. There are actually two kinds of reassurance. One kind feeds the OCD loop. The other actually feeds and encourages the soul. (I believe this second kind is absolutely essential for OCD recovery.) How do we tell the difference? ----------------------------------- BAD REASSURANCE The OCD reassurance is obvious. It is a compulsion that is meant to "fix" something bad you did in the past (whether a thought or action). For example, maybe a fleeting thought passes your mind about a person other than your spouse. You don't really believe the thought. But you feel compelled to confess this to your spouse and have them reassure you that everything is OK. Seeking reassurance is the ACTION you take in order to FIX the thought. This is the definition of a compulsion. Remember, a compulsion is anything you do in order to fix or neutralize an obsession. Therefore, seeking reassurance only reinforces the idea that the intrusive thought was "dangerous" in the first place. (After all, if you are compelled to fix the thought, it must've been pretty dangerous.) So what do we do to break out of the cycle? We ALLOW the thoughts to run freely through our heads (no matter how bad they are). And then we do NOTHING to fix the thoughts. This teaches our brains that the intrusive thoughts were not actually dangerous after all. ------------------------------- GOOD REASSURANCE The other kind of reassurance is the kind that nourishes the soul. The OCD community has generally stopped trying to do this, because we've confused it with the bad type of reassurance. And as a result, many people are left hurting. For example, let's say someone with POCD or ROCD feels like a monster. In the OCD community, we're scared to tell them that they are not a monster. Why? It's because we are not seeing the bigger picture. These people need someone to flat out tell them that they are not a monster. They need someone to explain to them that they are just suffering from a disease that affects millions of people in exactly in the same ways. They need someone to redirect them away from the OCD's lies. (These lies can feel very overwhelming). ---------------------------------- THE BOTTOM LINE I really believe that I would not have made it this far if my soul hadn't received reassurance so many times in my life. I think some of this "soul comfort" is essential to moving on from the OCD. We don't need to be afraid of reassurance (when it's done right). And even if we get it wrong and start feeding someone's OCD loop, that's okay. It's not the end of world. When that happens we can gently bring that person back to the core of OCD recovery. And I believe this is faith, which means we believe the truth even when we are uncertain, and we take steps without seeing all the answers.