I wish I understood why I have OCD and why it’s manifesting itself now.

I was the same as you when I was first diagnosed, like “why am I having this now? What does it mean?” And “this is so random wtf” And honestly? Through therapy and just going to the group therapy sessions/chats on this app I realized that I had been suffering from ocd all my life, they were just themes that were less scary than the one I dealt with after I had my first child. OCD can and will attack the things you value/care about the most. For me it is my children, my pets, my health or the health of others that are my biggest reoccurring themes. But I also have OCPD tendencies which deals more with perfection and needing symmetry for things. I worked as a lab assistant for a long time and these checking tendencies I had even when I wasn’t anxious? OCD. I wasn’t just extra careful. I had to check things in 3s or 6s and would literally lock up the facility alarm and all and walk back in to make sure I didn’t leave a sink I had used running. I had a period when I first learned to drive where if I felt any little bump I had to turn around and make sure I didn’t hit anyone. I had not realized at the time that was ocd but once you start learning the patterns and how to recognize sneakily compulsions and stuff and hearing other peoples stories you may realize that you’ve had more ocd tendencies than you think!

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Wow, this is incredibly helpful. Thank you so much. I’ve noticed that when I’m at work, I have to check my work before I submit it very carefully even though I know I could go and correct stuff later, but I panicked because I wanted it to be perfect all the time. I learned that every time I received an email from someone who controlled the data entry corrections, I would start to get anxious and apologize profusely, even though it was a minor issue. Little things like that I’m starting to realize, maybe it is OCD?

I’m in a similar boat as well. I was diagnosed with GAD but OCD is something I suspect I have. First becoming aware of your thought patterns helps and then working with an OCD therapist will help as well because they know how to recognize intrusive thoughts. OCD makes things feel very urgent and that’s the trap. It’s ok that you don’t know how to stop right now. It’s a skill that you will build over time. It’s not about talking back to the thoughts. It’s about labeling them and changing your relationship to them. For example: “oh this is an intrusive thought” and then (and this is hard, I know but it gets easier the more you do it) sit with the discomfort, breathe, go for a walk. Don’t interact with the thoughts just allow them and they will lessen with time.