I feel hopeless for my future

Senior year/last year. The most traumatic events have originated from school, I can't wait to leave. Mom tells me, "Put on your batteries! Apply for scholarships, for college and so you can be in your dorms + future blah blah enjoy the last year, try to (then continues with similar sentiments.)" She's right but OCD has crushed many of my dreams.. as well as I just don't know what I want to do in life regarding careers. I tell them that when I graduate I don't want a party, I just want to nap for an entire week and do nothing. They laughed saying that's all I did throughout the summer, I laughed too but deep down I was being serious. I don't want to be in college, I don't want to make new connections, I don't want to contribute, I just want to lay in bed and sleep forever. The future, whether if good things happen or what.. I just don't feel excited for it. Sometimes I don't want a future, I don't understand the point of finishing school if I just don't want to do anything after it. I don't feel like myself either, I don't feel like I'm alive. I act happy and I love doing the things I enjoy but when everything's silent I always come back to the beginning, remembering what my purpose really is in life. Just nothing, honestly. Maybe that's completely untrue! But depression has already halfway won.

ooooooooooooo

Date posted: 2d

I pretty much on the same boat, so you're not alone... I'm on 3rd year and I feel like I'm already expired. All of my peers are progressing and experiencing a normal college life except for me. I feel so stuck, anxious, and depressed I could cry. I've been thinking of getting an internship role but even that I'm also overthinking and thinking I may not be able to push through with it anyway. I'm actively sabotaging myself and my goals, I feel hopeless about my future too :(

VVbee

Date posted: 13h

3rd year and you're still pushing, I think you've gotten far already ! I still haven't even finished highschool, almost finished but it's so hard even thinking about the next step. I can't really give much advice, I would say "it's okay to stay in your bubble, just stay where you're at," since I feel that way for myself. It's so hard to get out of your bubble... but, many say it's good to try and at least attempt to achieve your goals, even if it's hard. Push past your fears, they're right. But with all of these issues as well as this obsessive disorder added onto the plate, it just makes it 3x harder and almost so painfully impossible. Though If you really want that internship role, I personally say you should try for it. I'm virtually cheering you on to get the best you can, and I feel as if you have the strength for it ! But please don't feel bad if you end up missing it out, you're trying and that's all that matters. I myself, feel as I'm starting to give up, but I'm trying my best to not fall through that decision as final. Once again I'm sorry if I can't say much, aghh it's hard when I pretty much can't help myself out either... TT but overall I'm glad I'm not alone, and I still believe we can get through this harsh period.

VVbee

Date posted: 13h

(Also this is unrelated to this post) but I checked your account and I feel very seen. Your mentions with trust issues, fear of gossip/exposing, afraid of digital footprint (specifically internet footprint and past online activities), being misunderstood for someone horrific, and overall overthinking and feeling guilty. I feel very similar ! It's worse knowing my awful mistakes/past and real events, as well as trauma and othet things.. very adds to the "feeling behind in life" thing. As if I was given a rough path and it's hard to just try and live. I struggle with reassurance and confessing too. 😵‍💫 This is awful, and we still likely have many different experiences but as of overall I feel very much alike..! Sorry for rambling, but I just really wanted to mention it

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond