OCD??

Yes. I posted a similar reply to someone earlier. I personally look at ocd as a toxic friend. Best friend if you will because well it blah blah blahs all day in your head only it never has anything great to say. A toxic bf wants to be there to watch your demise. So does ocd. It plays on emotions, thoughts and desperation. It's like reaching for a hand to save you off the cliff but that ocd will let go the second you feel secure in their hand. Ocd is a narcissist in itself. Everytime you're ready to leave it behind and feel power it will grab ahold of you again and try to bring you back in. Don't let it. It is way easier said then done. Just remember you are in control of it more than you realize. Just like any toxic friend if you fight the compulsions and temptation for rituals it loses it's power. The ball is back in your court. That friend will show up here and there to try and poke back in your life but you just have to laugh in it's face even if that means you literally laugh to yourself. My ocd became so bad that it tried to convince me I would cause harm to the people I love if I didn't bend to it's will. I have a monologue form of ocd and now when I get that little voice popping up I laugh at it. A voice has no power over actions unless you feed them. It took me years to understand this. It was not a walk in the park. I consider ocd a type of brain damage because I have yet to meet anyone who loves ocd. A car accident fractures a leg that leg may still work after months of therapy but it still isn't whole. My brain is not whole. I am not normal like my family members my brain to me it's broken. It works but not like it should. However I have learned that I myself am a voice of reason and I cannot allow myself to act with actions and compulsions because my brain told me to. I can't go up and hurt someone randomly because that voice told me if I don't my family will suffer the consequence. Ocds logic is not logical. When you learn to laugh at it's absurdities. It loses it's power over you just like any relationship. Ocd is toxic to it's core. It is not a friend. At it's core it plays with your emotions and tries to convince you it's important hence why when people are struggling it shows it's ugliness up front and center. There is no off switch unfortunately but it can be helped. Best of luck to everyone who suffers from this and other mental issues.

Yes, usually when I get negative thoughts about recovery techniques I pretend I don't care, even if I'm actually very scared. But for example, if I decide not to ruminate on something, and my ocd makes me think that I'm avoiding the truth, I say "yes and what about it" or something like that and I keep resisting rumination even though I am very scared that maybe I am avoiding the truth. And in time, this feeling passes and as you see yourself getting better you realize sticking to the technique was the right choice even though your ocd made you think otherwise. But it's easier said than done, and I still believe it a lot more than I should.