SO ocd

@Anonymous Hahahah yeah I noticed. But i answered your question about these things that keep me in this cycle. It is up there somewhere, I replied to u

@Anonymousgirl4 Yeah I see it now. I don't think you should worry about your real events... Or maybe yes? Idk. Maybe yes maybe not (I don't think you should🥹)

@Anonymous Thank you. Honestly I try not to worry about it and kinda explain it to myself that I didn’t know any better and just because I liked something as a kid and I had this phase doesn’t mean that I have to like it my whole life. Especially since I’ve never had a crush on any female cartoon character or anything like that growing up so it’s not like it’s attraction that’s been always in my life. And also it’s literally 3 memories against my whole life. But also the fact that this memories even happened in the first place is what’s making me worry because like why would I have this phase? And one of my biggest worries rn is also that a girl would flirt with me and I would like it and it would make me feel something and if a man would I wouldn’t feel anything. I’ve never even been in relationship before so I have no experiences. Sorry for sharing everything here but I just honestly want to let it all out. Sometimes my mind is also trying to convince me that I’m like the characters in movies about like a girl that thought she was straight and she discoveres she’s into girls etc, it probably makes no sense and idk how to explain it but like, I really hate this feeling. I just wish I could be straight and not doubt it.

@Anonymousgirl4 No worries you can tell here everything. If you want to talk just tell me. You'll be okay

@Anonymous Thanks, I don’t want to seem like I’m seeking reassurance. I think I am a little but I just don’t know if I sound like I’m in denial and just scared to accept that I might not be straight or is it actually just ocd. Idk it’s so confusing. And whenever I am a little relaxed and i’m like yes finally I’m calm and I have nothing to worry about, my mind has to remind me that I have to be anxious and I have to doubt and I can’t just sit peacefully because there is a chance that I might be into girls. I honestly really wish I had never started overthinking this in the first place, I don’t even know how exactly it started but I can’t even imagine rn that I used to live without the constant anxiety and thoughts.

@Anonymousgirl4 Most of us seems like asking for reassurance here XD even when we put the title before ,,I'm not asking for reassurance BUT.....,,i think You can't handle OCD 100 percent correctly, even in recovery sometimes we do compulsions. Just try to do less and more less.

@Anonymous Yeah that’s true lol

@Elsielou I don’t have a partner but it’s something that’s been also worrying me. Like just looking at men’s body, for example a bicep or abs does nothing for me. Like I just can’t force myself to feel anything. But like also attraction and arousal is different for everyone. I overall don’t find sexual stuff to be the main thing that I think about when I think about relationships. Mostly emotional connection is what matters to me and I think that maybe if I’ll find a boyfriend i’ll feel it simply because I have feelings for him. But I don’t know. This is my top fear rn is that I’ll have a boyfriend and it will turn out that I don’t feel anything to him and that I am a lesbian.

@Anonymous I honestly have no idea. It started about six months ago but I don’t even know what triggered it. I think I had a time where I just didn’t really want to have a boyfriend atm or I didn’t feel any want to like a man and I kind of started worrying that I might like girls? But I’m not sure. But like now it’s so real I’m scared to even meet girls my age because I’m afraid I will feel something to them. I’ve never liked any girl, irl or a celebrity. I never wanted a romantic relationship with one. But since I started doubting my orientation I remembered few memories from when I was in middle school and they are really keeping me in this cycle. Like I know it was when I was a kid but still. It’s making me believe that what if I was just suppressing my orientation and now it’s revealing itself. Ugh I really just want it to stop.

@Anonymousgirl4 You’re not alone. I understand everything you posted so much. Have you considered therapy? I’ve been in ERP for a few weeks now and it’s starting to help. I still have issues obviously but now I have new resources. ERP is terrifying, but worth the results.

@I hate this I had my first session. I'm going to have the next 3 days later. But the wrong is I only scared of it when I think about soceity, and the bullying, if I don't then I'm not scared and I ,,want,, it, and the false attraction feels more real. I try to make myself scared but I can't without the soceity thing. I don't even have anxeity anymore, and the false attractions feels too real, and sometimes I don't even want to be scared of it maybe because I'm tired. And my OCD latched onto too many true things before I was doing compulsions against things that were true... And also I think I had some false attractions before HOCD I hope it was just because of the bullying... Anyway what was the things for you in school that keeps you in the cycle? You said this before

@Anonymous I get caught up in rumination loops and I’m trying to break out of them.

@I hate this I’ve recently went to my first therapy session but I just went to regular therapist. I have to be diagnosed with ocd first I think. I have second session in two weeks. I hope that I’ll be diagnosed soon and I can start ERP. I just hate the ups and downs because one day I feel completely calm and I’m not worrying about anything and then another day I’ll feel like I’m genuinely losing my mind.

@Anonymousgirl4 On Saturday I was calm, confident, no thoughts. Happy and doing great. Making ERP work for me and just living life. Then yesterday I was in melt down

@Anonymous Idk if this question is for me but like I had this phase where I was like playing sims for example and I was making two girls together, or playing some game and picking love interest to be a girl. It’s not like I ever wanted to be in romantic relationship with one, but idk if it was just a phase? Was I liking that? Like why would I do that. And I hate that I have these memories. Or I was watching series and there was once remember scene where girls that were in relationship and they were dancing together and I think I liked this scene? I’m just scared that this was sexuality that I suppressed over time. After that phase tho I literally forgot about it completely and had crushes on guys and stuff. I only remembered this since the ocd started.

@Anonymousgirl4 OCD is funny like that. I really can’t answer those questions because I’m not an expert. But what I can say is maybe it was maybe it wasn’t. You don’t have to figure it out right now.

@I hate this At least you can have a good day. I can't. Because ,,if I let go then I'm okay with it,,. And I'm rumaneting all day. I could break it sometimes I just don't want to. Because then I break it too easely and them it can't be OCD, and I don't want to stop rumaneting because the ,,proof,, feels too real.