Trying to better understand my girlfriend’s OCD as her partner

Hi everyone. I’m the partner of someone with OCD, and I’m trying to educate myself so I can better understand what she experiences and be more supportive. Recently, she told me that she feels like I don’t fully understand her OCD. She has explained things to me several times, and I realized that although I’ve been trying to understand, I was still getting some important things wrong. I don’t want to keep asking her to explain the same things to me, especially when she’s already struggling, so I’ve started researching and learning on my own. One thing I’m particularly trying to understand is the difference between obsessions, compulsions (including mental compulsions), reassurance-seeking, and exposure/ERP. I had some misconceptions about these and I’m realizing that OCD is much more complicated than simply “being afraid of something and trying to reassure yourself.” For those of you who have OCD: * What do you wish your partner understood about what OCD feels like from the inside? * What are some things your partner might do with good intentions that actually make OCD harder? * What kind of support feels helpful when you’re having a difficult OCD day? * How can a partner show love and reassurance without accidentally feeding the OCD cycle? * Are there any books, videos, articles, or other resources you would recommend specifically for partners of someone with OCD? I’m not looking to diagnose, treat, or “fix” my girlfriend. I just want to understand her better and become a more supportive partner. Thank you to anyone willing to share their experience. 🙌🏻

Helper31

Date posted: 10h

I honestly really appreciate you taking the time to educate yourself instead of expecting your partner to constantly explain what she’s experiencing. ❤️ I think one of the biggest things I’ve learned is that OCD isn’t always logical, and trying to reason with someone or convince them that their fear isn’t true can sometimes make the cycle worse, even when it comes from a place of love. Sometimes the most helpful thing is simply being patient and letting her know that you’re there without making her feel judged for the thoughts she’s having. It can also be helpful to ask what kind of support she needs in that moment rather than assuming you know what will make her feel better. I also think it’s important to remember that intrusive thoughts aren’t a reflection of who someone is or what they actually wants. They can be incredibly upsetting precisely because they go against what matters to the person. The fact that you’re willing to learn, listen, and understand her instead of trying to “fix” her says a lot about how much you care. I’m sure she’ll appreciate that more than you realize. ❤️

Salago

Date posted: 9h

@Helper31 Thank you so much for taking the time to share this 🙌🏻 This is exactly the kind of perspective I was hoping to learn from. I really appreciate your advice and will definitely keep it in mind as I continue learning how to better understand and support my girlfriend.

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User type: Staff

Date posted: 10h

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