I just feel like my hocd isn't ocd. It doesnt feel like I can determine if I like it anymore. It just feels like I like it now and that im trying so desperately to relate to people with it. I want to just cry and crawl into a hole an die. This isnt what I want but it feels like have no choice and I'm trapped. It feels so real that im at a point where I feel like there is no way it cant be real :(

Jordean

Date posted: 5y

I almost cried reading this. I unfortunately relate too much. I’m not as bad anymore because I’m medicated but there was a point where this is exactly how I felt. I just want you to know that you’re so much stronger than you think. It’s so fucking confusing and it’ll burn a hole through you if you let it. I almost let it do that to me. The only way I was able to escape was having a breaking point where I was sitting in the shower, feeling the water hitting me and screaming silently to myself saying, “so fucking what if I like girls?” That’s the moment when I felt the demons inside me hiss in fear a little. I felt powerful. Soon after I found out it was ocd. Then I decided I wasn’t going to let it hurt me anymore. So I started thinking, you know what, it’s not a bad thing if I like girls. And I’ve come to the conclusion after many years of breaking out of it that I’m VERY straight. Ask my boyfriend. ? But seriously. You’re going to be okay. If I can get out of it, so can you.

Lavander

Date posted: 5y

This was so encouraging, thank you. And if I may ask, it's kind of a silly question, but how does your therapy works? You go to a psychiatrist and he just give you some meds or she/he also does therapy? Or you have to go to both a psychologist and a psychiatrist?

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

Tbh reading this gave me a bit of hope. I can't tell anything to anybody nor can I avoid but it doesn't feel nice when girls touch me even by mistake.

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

Same. I always have this pit feeling in my stomach. It's uncomfortable being touched or even seeing girls. I fear I would like it. It really feels real

Jordean

Date posted: 5y

Me too! I never hug or touch other girls because of this

Jordean

Date posted: 5y

@Jordyn ? When one of my friends touches me I usually like flip shit

TwylerGuy12

Date posted: 5y

This very accurately describes how I feel on the daily as well. Just try to remember you ARE NOT struggling alone! ??

Lavander

Date posted: 5y

I feel the same :(

Jordean

Date posted: 5y

Right now my therapy is very inconsistent because I’m in college. I actually found out I had ocd through the internet while I was preforming google compulsions, and verified the diagnosis through a phone call with my therapist at the time (she was at home, I was at school). But I got my medication through my doctor for anxiety. It’s Zoloft, which treats ocd as well, so I didn’t have to change it. Not a silly question at all! But I’m still trying to find a good therapist. Therapy is a really difficult process especially in college.

elleeen

Date posted: 5y

Same, this is how i feel too.

Anonymous123

Date posted: 24w

Can anyone tell me if this is normwl

Hi so I've been having a recent theme of soocd hocd. At the start I was all panicked and couldn't leave my house. Now all my emotions feel like they have turned off. It feels real now like I'm just in denial. It's bringing up memories from the past of shows I've watched or people I was friends with to try and prove the point or people I thought were pretty. It's saying you've only realised now cause you are comfortable as I had a difficult childhood. I feel no attraction towards men and can't remember if I ever have now even though I know I did. It's saying its all fake. I really am. Starting to believe it's real and I just feel depressed now. Am I going to have to leave my boyfriend who I planned my life with. It feels like life is going by and I'm stuck. I have no energy at all.

HOY

Date posted: 18w

crying

Im only 20 and Ive been crying. I am not diagnosed with OCD yet but it lines up. I'm so scared its not, these physical sensations and urges are so horrible and I just wanna hide myself from this earth. It feels so real. I'd rather not feel any arousal than experience it, no matter if its something I like or not. I want to be free from this hell.

POCD

sofiaraaah7

Date posted: 17w

It’s real now

I’m sobbing right now. I’m convinced that I’ve been in denial all along and that it’s all real. It has to be now. I don’t wanna be a boy but I feel like there’s no way I’m not one if I’m doing these things. There’s no way I’m a cis girl if I’m doing these things. I’m so fucking done with life I feel absolutely trapped. I don’t wanna be a man but fuuuuuuuuck I think it’s real now I’m so fcking done with living. I really feel like I’ve been using OCD as an excuse/a cover up and I’m scared it’s all a facade. There’s no way it’s not real now I’m literally so fcking scared I want it all to stop. If anyone has advice please send some my way. I need it badly

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