- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
I almost cried reading this. I unfortunately relate too much. I’m not as bad anymore because I’m medicated but there was a point where this is exactly how I felt. I just want you to know that you’re so much stronger than you think. It’s so fucking confusing and it’ll burn a hole through you if you let it. I almost let it do that to me. The only way I was able to escape was having a breaking point where I was sitting in the shower, feeling the water hitting me and screaming silently to myself saying, “so fucking what if I like girls?” That’s the moment when I felt the demons inside me hiss in fear a little. I felt powerful. Soon after I found out it was ocd. Then I decided I wasn’t going to let it hurt me anymore. So I started thinking, you know what, it’s not a bad thing if I like girls. And I’ve come to the conclusion after many years of breaking out of it that I’m VERY straight. Ask my boyfriend. ? But seriously. You’re going to be okay. If I can get out of it, so can you.
- Date posted
- 5y
This was so encouraging, thank you. And if I may ask, it's kind of a silly question, but how does your therapy works? You go to a psychiatrist and he just give you some meds or she/he also does therapy? Or you have to go to both a psychologist and a psychiatrist?
- Date posted
- 5y
Tbh reading this gave me a bit of hope. I can't tell anything to anybody nor can I avoid but it doesn't feel nice when girls touch me even by mistake.
- Date posted
- 5y
Same. I always have this pit feeling in my stomach. It's uncomfortable being touched or even seeing girls. I fear I would like it. It really feels real
- Date posted
- 5y
Me too! I never hug or touch other girls because of this
- Date posted
- 5y
@Jordyn ? When one of my friends touches me I usually like flip shit
- Date posted
- 5y
This very accurately describes how I feel on the daily as well. Just try to remember you ARE NOT struggling alone! ??
- Date posted
- 5y
I feel the same :(
- Date posted
- 5y
Right now my therapy is very inconsistent because I’m in college. I actually found out I had ocd through the internet while I was preforming google compulsions, and verified the diagnosis through a phone call with my therapist at the time (she was at home, I was at school). But I got my medication through my doctor for anxiety. It’s Zoloft, which treats ocd as well, so I didn’t have to change it. Not a silly question at all! But I’m still trying to find a good therapist. Therapy is a really difficult process especially in college.
- Date posted
- 5y
Same, this is how i feel too.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 25w
I feel awful that I keep coming on here whenever I’m down bad but oh my gosh OCD is the most painful shit that I have EVER experienced in my life and I have a physical chronic illness…. I hate to say it but I hate living right now it’s too painful… im crying as I type to the point where my stomach is hurting, I have pretty severe ocd I do have generalized anxiety and idk if that is connected with ocd but because of that I have most of the subtypes REAL EVENT OCD,POCD,ZOCD,ROCD,SOCD HARM OCD, you name it and I got it!!! a lot of also why I have have those theme is trauma growing up and involving those things^ as of right now i’m 25 and a women with the most loving boyfriend in the entire world before my ocd hit me I NEVER questioned my love and care and attraction with the love of my life I always knew I was going to marry and be with this person the rest of my life! Now with ocd it confuses me soooo much and now I think I’m gay and didn’t realize or indenial and listen I get it “don’t look for reassurance!” “It’s not the thing ocd is attacking that is the problem ocd is the actual problem!” Here’s the thing with that if I’m in a relationship and I’m gay that would mean I would have to leave that said relationship and to say that “oh yeah that stuff happens and you’ll move on” is absolutely devastating to me this is THE LOVE OF MY LIFE and your telling me that iv been lying to myself this whole time or that I didn’t realize?!?!? And that sexuality can change (even though some say it can’t google says otherwise and some people have said it can’t idek anymore) and all this other BULLSHIT I can’t take it WHY?!?! why does this have to happen why can’t I just be with my love the rest of my life?!? and yes before anyone says anything I have been attracted to girls more so when I was younger watching lesbian porn liking the body’s and fantazing them sexually it stopped when I got older but I still don’t get disgusted with women who are pretty it just makes me uncomfortable because I’m with the love of my life and before I remember talking to my partner and discussing certain childhood things I experienced and we discussed that we both could be a little bi and for certain I’m (demi sexual so I don’t even really care about looks) and I truly didn’t care!! NOW I do care even with being bi because again I don’t like thinking about anyone else but my partner but I do also know my parents are homophobic and I do think about if I am gay they wouldn’t be okay with that and I also dont want to deal with that so now I sound like in indenial right?!???? I didn’t even care about labels before my ocd it just didn’t matter but now it’s effected my sex life and it’s hard for me to enjoy sex with being so confused I’m so confused I googled everything can you still have sexual fantasies with same gender but still be straight? Can you fantasize about same gender or imagine marrying them all of it !!! And non of that disgusts me it just makes me uncomfortable AGIAN only bc I just love the partner I’m with right now!!! I’m so fucking confused do I have to leave my partner and accept that I’m gay is that going to happen in the future if I get better with ocd and find out it’s been true all along?!???
- Date posted
- 14w
As a lesbian with SO-OCD, I feel so helpless. It's truly exhausting because no one I know understands what I'm going through. The first response is always, "You're just confused" or "You don't have to know yet." But that's not the issue, I do know. I just never see any lesbians with SO-OCD so I feel so invalidated. These thoughts flood my brain constantly, forcing me to analyze my reactions to every man I see. I feel trapped in an endless cycle of "testing" myself, trying to prove that I don't like them. But my brain fights back, telling me I do want to love a man, making it feel real even though don't want it. It's terrifying. At this point, it's hard to even hold onto my identity as a lesbian because I'm so overwhelmed. I don't know if this is what real attraction is supposed to feel like, and that fear eats away at me. The truth is, when I think about being with a man, all I feel is disgust and fear-but my brain twists that into doubt. I hate it. I'm at the point where I'm scared I'm going to have to accept something I don't want because I don't know if this will ever go away. I miss who I was before all this.
- Date posted
- 13w
Im only 20 and Ive been crying. I am not diagnosed with OCD yet but it lines up. I'm so scared its not, these physical sensations and urges are so horrible and I just wanna hide myself from this earth. It feels so real. I'd rather not feel any arousal than experience it, no matter if its something I like or not. I want to be free from this hell.
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