I just feel like my hocd isn't ocd. It doesnt feel like I can determine if I like it anymore. It just feels like I like it now and that im trying so desperately to relate to people with it. I want to just cry and crawl into a hole an die. This isnt what I want but it feels like have no choice and I'm trapped. It feels so real that im at a point where I feel like there is no way it cant be real :(

Jordean

Date posted: 5y

I almost cried reading this. I unfortunately relate too much. I’m not as bad anymore because I’m medicated but there was a point where this is exactly how I felt. I just want you to know that you’re so much stronger than you think. It’s so fucking confusing and it’ll burn a hole through you if you let it. I almost let it do that to me. The only way I was able to escape was having a breaking point where I was sitting in the shower, feeling the water hitting me and screaming silently to myself saying, “so fucking what if I like girls?” That’s the moment when I felt the demons inside me hiss in fear a little. I felt powerful. Soon after I found out it was ocd. Then I decided I wasn’t going to let it hurt me anymore. So I started thinking, you know what, it’s not a bad thing if I like girls. And I’ve come to the conclusion after many years of breaking out of it that I’m VERY straight. Ask my boyfriend. ? But seriously. You’re going to be okay. If I can get out of it, so can you.

Lavander

Date posted: 5y

This was so encouraging, thank you. And if I may ask, it's kind of a silly question, but how does your therapy works? You go to a psychiatrist and he just give you some meds or she/he also does therapy? Or you have to go to both a psychologist and a psychiatrist?

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

Tbh reading this gave me a bit of hope. I can't tell anything to anybody nor can I avoid but it doesn't feel nice when girls touch me even by mistake.

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

Same. I always have this pit feeling in my stomach. It's uncomfortable being touched or even seeing girls. I fear I would like it. It really feels real

Jordean

Date posted: 5y

Me too! I never hug or touch other girls because of this

Jordean

Date posted: 5y

@Jordyn ? When one of my friends touches me I usually like flip shit

TwylerGuy12

Date posted: 5y

This very accurately describes how I feel on the daily as well. Just try to remember you ARE NOT struggling alone! ??

Lavander

Date posted: 5y

I feel the same :(

Jordean

Date posted: 5y

Right now my therapy is very inconsistent because I’m in college. I actually found out I had ocd through the internet while I was preforming google compulsions, and verified the diagnosis through a phone call with my therapist at the time (she was at home, I was at school). But I got my medication through my doctor for anxiety. It’s Zoloft, which treats ocd as well, so I didn’t have to change it. Not a silly question at all! But I’m still trying to find a good therapist. Therapy is a really difficult process especially in college.

elleeen

Date posted: 5y

Same, this is how i feel too.

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