if you can respond please do:(

I’m spiraling so bad I need some advice. I’m sorry it’s a little long 🥲💔💔💔 I have an ex Liam I’ve been trying to get back together with. In the midst of our chaos and fights and makeups I’ve noticed my ex Austin a LOT. I don’t even care to not name drop anymore I’m so sick of it. Austin and I had a civil breakup years ago, and have been well acquainted since. I started wondering about Austin as if he’s a safe zone, like something I can fantasize about instead of being in the chaos. But I started wondering, do I want to be with him??? Why do I feel like if he asked me out I’d definitely say yes? I even gave him a sort of look at work to see if he felt a vibe and that’s why he was looking or if I was just completely wrong (which I’m very okay with). He has a girlfriend he apparently really doesn’t like and for some reason I keep fantasizing about him leaving her for me but I don’t do ANYTHING to act on it besides that look to see if I was just going crazy. But now I’m so worried because Liam found out about this when it first happened and laughed in my face and ridiculed me, saying have a nice life with him even after I explained it was probably OCD. I know I shouldn’t get back with Liam but in the event I do, I feel horrible about this Austin thing. What do I do??? Is it really just the “safe zone” I think it is?? I told Liam I wouldn’t do anything “weird” anymore and get better in the slightest sliver of hope he’s given me that we’ll get back together, but in all the chaos I chose to give that look and my guilt is horrendous

Anonymous

Date posted: 23h

Hello hello. Sorry to hear you are struggling. First thing off, show compassion to yourself. Weather these thoughts are OCD or not, your struggle is very real and you did not choose to be in this situation. Stuff happens, and honestly I think it's totally human to have those feelings for an ex (Austin) since you had a past together. Second thing is, maybe I would think twice if to go back with Liam since he clearly did not show compassion for your OCD and your struggle. But this is my opinion based on very little info I have. Third, thoughts (non OCD ones) matters but actions matter more. You will not know if Austin is the safe zone you think it is until you try, but even then, us OCD ppl now there is no certainty in anything. But the truth is that today is Austin, tomorrow it might be someone else's you might have thoughts or feelings about. And that's why actions matter more than thoughts. If your value is to be with Liam, then acknowledge your thoughts and feelings you are having for Austin and move on to where you wanna go (Liam). Feelings and thoughts are like clouds. Now they might feel very real and permanent but they will go away especially if you don't fuel them and act to go toward the direction you wanna go. Also don't feel guilty. As i said we don't choose thoughts and feelings, they just come, but we can decide what we do with them. I hope this helps a little bit. And dont feel pressure to decide anything really. You do the need to solve this today or tomorrow or in a month. Nobody is chasing you and give yourself the time to settle a little bit.

bsquiggled

Date posted: 17h

@Anonymous This makes a lot of more sense, thank you:) I’m just worried about the fact that I gave Austin a sort of “look”, like it feels like I committed a terrible action I can never get back. I’m now getting weary about returning to Liam- I also have no plan on going to Austin at all, and this put things into perspective a lot ❤️

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