I’m currently spiraling

I’m on the social media and I know I should stop because it triggers me so bad, but it goes back to wait I said the other day about too much internet access. People talk about the deep web but the surface level internet is the deep web and I didn’t have enough attention and sure enough too much internet access. I got scared a couple of weeks ago of since I had so much internet access I was scared I carried out those actions I seen. Mainly because children are curious people and monkey see monkey do, I was a child probably 5 or 6 grade and my parents had me watching people at a young age. I’m scared i probably did those things I seen and traumatized family. When I got this intrusive thought weeks ago it scared me so much that I cried in my bf’s arms. I have never thought about any of this until I had a ocd flare up. You can say well okay not true then it’s the ocd but of course the famous what if pops up. One thing about myself I couldn’t hurt someone even if I tried and it’s exactly why I let people run over me. I hate the words bad person and I don’t want that title so I do my best to be a good person.

Anonymous

Date posted: 19h

I understand what you’re going through. It’s really hard. I can’t even really watch TV that much anymore. I can’t do a lot of things anymore and it just really bothers me. I just let you know that we’re not therapist talks to me. She always tells me you got this you can do this and you have to tell yourself that I I try to not do so much on Facebook. I have a bad habit of going on marketplace and looking up things that I know I can’t afford. I know it’s not what you’re talking about but when I go out sometimes I can’t even look at people have to look down. I feel like I’m in an abusive relationship and it’s really hard but just know that you can overcome this. You’re not that person. You’re a good person, but you have to say I got this I can get through this. My therapist has been helping me out a lot. I wanna let you know. I’m praying for you And. Also, I know what you mean about letting people run you over I’ve been like that my whole life I don’t think I’ve ever felt worthy enough to have even a good relationship, but just to let you know you got this. I’m thankful for this community. I’m sorry if I’m all over the board this morning. It’s been a little tough.

Anonymous

Date posted: 19h

@Anonymous I promise this is perfect, I was just thinking about deleting because I have a paranoid thing where I’m like my family had access to this page and they’re seeing what I’m saying. Especially because they are closed minded people and I don’t want them thinking i actually did all these things. It’s just ocd telling me differently, I get scared when my ocd is triggered and I need to learn to stay off of it because my bf told me to stop it’s triggering you but sometimes I get into the habit of getting back on it anyway.

Anonymous

Date posted: 18h

@Anonymous Your post comes up as anonymous, nobody knows who you are.

Anonymous

Date posted: 18h

@Anonymous Yes, but I had a accident where I needed to be sent to the psych ward and my mom used my phone to send the rent money so she can pay it also after getting out I got a a new phone and I didn’t send the old one back so she did and I didn’t reset it, she said she didn’t go through the phone and she didn’t reset it but a month back she said they got it and it’s reset but I found out I can reset from find my iPhone so I did. But it was a whole argument because she said she reset it but months back she said she didn’t so I guess I’m paranoid about that situation. My family had also been nosey and still are to this day

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond