Not really OCD, just wanted to talk about it

I got my first job which and I feel like I’ve been too reckless with money ever since 😭 Well I’ve always kind of been reckless with money but I’ve spent like $400 on clothes this week while making minimum wage and that’s like half my paycheck. Not to mention other stuff like groceries and gas. I have a savings account and i rly rly need it to pay for college (i also lost my financial aid bc i did rly bad last year due to mental health reasons… i rly hate myself for that cus i actually love school and my major but that’s a whole other topic). Anyway i also wanted to move out in like 3 years so i rly shouldn’t be spending money like i have. And I’m cutting my hours a bit next month too because my job is burning me out and I’m taking the fall semester off, but i’ll come back next year and I’ve already struggled to balance school and my job individually and it was hard enough finding a job so i can’t quit to prioritize school and i can’t wait too long to go back to school bc knowing myself if i take too much time off school i might not come back. I’ve only been working for 2 months (so I’ve had like 4 paychecks) and i tell myself I’m just splurging because this is the first time i have my own money, and i’ll probably run out of things to buy the more i work. I also tell myself I’ve been wearing the same clothes since middle school so i should update my wardrobe now that i can, and last month i spent about $400 on a kindle because I’ve been wanting one for a while and i wanted to read digitially without getting distracted by my phone bc I’m running out of space for my physical books and i can’t get rid of them because I’m a bit of a hoarder (that actually is ocd related). And after every hard day at work i buy myself a matcha latte (which is like $8 in my area) because i want to reward myself for making through the day y’know? Something to look forward to to get through the shift but turns out everyday is a hard day—and I’m not just using that as an excuse to spend money, this stresses me out SO bad 😭 I have a bit of sensory issues and i try to refrain from doing my compulsions bc i don’t have time to bc there’s so much to do and because I’m trying to hide my OCD. And my manager is so stressful. She scolds and yells at us for *everything* and when she’s in a bad mood, she’ll keep an extra eye on us just to find something to yell at us for no matter how small it is. I’m trying to stay bc itd look bad on my resume to quit this early and because I’m trying to prove to myself I’m not a quitter because I’ve had a bad history of giving up when things get too stressful and life isn’t easy so i gotta learn to be tougher. Which is also another issue on its own. I genuinely feel so weak and stupid and i have so many examples and evidence to support it. Anyway I’m typing this before i have to go in for work and im stressed just thinking about it and im hungry and didnt have time to eat and didnt bring any food and we’re not allowed to leave to get food during our breaks (my break would be too short to even if i could) 😔