I don't even know if its POCD, but I'm in pain.

I don't have a diagnosis of any kind, maybe I really am what I'm afraid I am, but either way I'm in so much pain. I'm struggling with so many Real Events from when I was younger that I believe caused my theoretical POCD, and a number of False Memories that would make me irredeemable. Any time I see a child, I immediately feel tingly and get urges to look at them. Any time I scroll by something, I have to go back and check if theres a child, and if there is, I feel as though I deliberately looked with intention. Any time I watch anything NSFW, I'm horrified that the actors are actually under 18, and I have such a painful Moral Injury from my usage of hentai and anime throughout my life, where I've watched immoral stuff without thinking about it. I'm just... In constant pain, where I know what I want the truth to be, but don't know what it actually is. My mind is a constant swirl involving all this stuff and it just... Hurts.