Real event spiral

My best friend started talking about a girl we went to high school with and how much she hated her for doing bad things. I immediately got hit with a bunch of intrusive thoughts because I wasn’t a good person in the past either and I’m sure people talk about me the same way and I feel so irredeemable. I’m no longer even close to who I was but seeing how people might view my past self makes me want to crawl into a hole forever. I know that I have nobody to blame but myself. The guilt is there all day everyday and circumstances like this make me feel like my change will never be enough. I just want to start over 💔 I can never forgive myself

Real Events OCD

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: Yesterday

Hey, this happens to me all the time - I’m in a similar boat and carry a lot of guilt and shame for the person I was in the past, and it’s been extremely consuming recently too. I really wish I had some sort of answer for you but I think we just have to accept that there are people out there that will not have a very good impression of us and that it’s out of our control. It’s nauseating to think about because we’ve worked so hard to grow and learn and change and want so badly to be good, but at the end of the day we can’t change the past, no matter how much we obsess or analyze. Easier said than done, I know. I believe you’ve gotten better and that’s genuinely all we can do, and in a way is the best way to deal with the shame over past mistakes. It’s so hard, and I’m really sorry you’re going through this. I’m sending you strength and compassion :)

ih8mybrain

Date posted: 15h

@Anonymous Thank you so much, this means so much. It definitely really sucks especially with how social media views change as non existent and I feel that perception has definitely played a role in just how severe my OCD has gotten over the years. I just want to be good but I feel so tainted by my past. I’m sorry that you’re going through this too, it is truly so debilitating.

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 9h

@ih8mybrain I relate so much, one of my biggest OCD themes is public shaming and rejection. It is debilitating and I wish there was an answer for it. I think at the end of the day it’s all a harsh lesson in how our actions have consequences, and how no matter how much we wish we could go back and change our actions with what we have learned and know now, the only thing we can do now is be better every day moving forward. It’s somewhat comforting to know that we’ve changed and won’t repeat our mistakes but social media doesn’t think that way, and even if you don’t put a lot of importance on social media it’s impossible to deny its impact on our emotions and sense of belonging. But change IS possible, people change all the time, and those who know and love you now do so genuinely. It’s so easy to get caught in the trap of only fixating on the past, but the important thing is to be present and open and close with our community now. Wanting to be good is a good thing, and that matters. I’m really sorry you’re going through this. Wish I had better answers or advice for you, but at the very least know you aren’t alone in dealing with this. I really, really want to be good too. I’m rooting for you and sending you strength!

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