:)

I think I’m experiencing healthy relationships for the first time in my life, and honestly, I didn’t know they could feel this different. I remember my old friends from middle school. One of them left me because I became depressed. She even called me a burden, and that really hurt me because I hadn’t done anything to them. It was their decision to leave me, and honestly, I never really understood why. I was very attached to them at that time. I was always asking how they were doing, and I was always afraid of losing them, even though they rarely cared about me in the same way. They even blocked me on social media. At that time, I was under a huge amount of pressure because of my OCD. I was really struggling, and it was obvious that I wasn’t okay, but they didn’t care at all. My old job was similar. It was very exhausting, and my previous manager used to make me feel like I wasn’t good enough. Whenever I made a mistake, he would tell me that I didn’t know how to do my job and say many things that made me doubt myself. Eventually, he told me that they didn’t need me anymore and that I wasn’t a good enough employee, even though I worked hard and took my job seriously, probably more seriously than some of the other employees. I was also scared to leave that job. I don’t really know why, but during that period I kept relapsing and going through difficult times again and again. But now things are different. Even my current manager, if something happens at work and he gets a little angry because I made a mistake—and I make some stupid mistakes sometimes 😂—he comes back and apologizes to me afterward. He corrects my mistakes, but he never does it in a way that puts me down or makes me feel worthless. Quite the opposite. I wasn’t used to this kind of treatment. My previous manager used to tell me that I didn’t know how to work and would say many things that made me feel bad about myself. And the funny thing is, my previous manager eventually contacted me again and asked me to work with him because I had experience. But I told him, “I don’t want to work with someone like you again.” My old friends also tried to reconnect with me, but I didn’t give them another chance. And now I have new friendships that are supportive, and one friend in particular who honestly treats me better than all of my old friends did. I never knew that friendship could feel this comfortable. She always gives me positive energy, and sometimes she even helps me with my work when I’m tired. Sometimes I haven’t slept enough and I’m already under a lot of pressure because of my OCD, and having someone who understands that and helps me means a lot. She supports me in my studies and my ideas, and having someone like her in my life gives me so much positive energy. And the support goes both ways. Sometimes she gets busy with her studies, so I try to take some of the pressure off her at work and cover for her when she isn’t there. I also support her emotionally and stay by her side when she needs someone. I think I’m finally starting to understand what healthy relationships actually feel like. It’s a strange but really beautiful feeling to experience this for the first time. 🤍