can anyone help?

i don’t know if i even fully have ocd at this point, im not diagnosed but i thought i did for a while because of research but im thinking what if it’s just anxiety? also i feel really weird because when im in public i feel like my eyes keep going places and looking at stuff i know im not attracted to or at least i dont want to be if i am, or i think/imagine really bad thoughts about stuff and it just makes me feel wrong. im also thinking, am i worrying because i feel truly guilty of these things? or am i just worried on how others may perceive me and how i perceive myself? is the shame i get from these things truly because i feel bad or because other people would look at it as bad? that’s if my mental cycles are even true. forgive me for this post but i guess i just want someone to tell me not to worry about it but i know thats just seeking reassurance. thank you for reading if you made it this far

Jillyblanky

Date posted: 16h

This sounds like classic OCD to me, particularly magical thinking OCD which I have. Also existential OCD. I would love to tell you not to worry about it, but to do that would reassure your OCD and if you have OCD, that is actually the most unhelpful thing I can do to support you. But I can support you in a different way by saying this: You may or may not be thinking or feeling this way because of worry, or self perception, or because of what other people think…and no amount of searching will help you solve it once and for all (most likely.) No amount of analysis will be enough if your ocd is asking. I want to invite you to engage life with what you value. If these thoughts are distressing you, tell it “I see you and I’m not engaging. I’m going to shower. Do my laundry. Go for a walk.” You can also say “I don’t know the answer and I’m not going to solve that right now.” I want to encourage you bring your worry with you. It can be around you. You can put it in the corner of your room, you can tell it to take a step outside, and you can also say “I’m hurting but I can practice tolerating this hurt and refocus back to my values”. The goal is to practice living with the uncertainty and the uncomfortable feelings. Sometimes this practice makes us “feel better” and sometimes it makes us feel worse. But the goal isn’t to feel better once and for all. The goal is to learn how to live with uncertainty and build tolerance for uncertainty.

anonj

Date posted: 16h

@Jillyblanky i appreciate your thoughtful response thank you so much.

Jillyblanky

Date posted: 16h

@anonj Living with OCD is hard, and you can do hard things by not engaging with it. And your OCD might start throwing a tantrum like a little kid until you feed into the looping and googling and reassurance giving. If you can, hold firm that you’re not going to compulse. Eventually, it becomes easier to not engage it. Even give your ocd a name. Mine is Karen and it helps me minimize her hold on me.

anonj

Date posted: 16h

@Jillyblanky karen is a good one 😂 also i do have another question, is it possible to have adhd and ocd? because im pretty sure i have adhd (i was going to get tested for it in therapy recently) but can you have ocd also

Jillyblanky

Date posted: 15h

@anonj Yes! I have adhd, autism, and ocd. And I’ve been medication free my whole life until now. I had to get on Zoloft and Ritalin to help me manage symptoms and engage in ERP therapy. You may find support in medication as well!

Tea and Honey

Date posted: 16h

The sounds exactly like OCD. I want you to know that your symptoms are VERY COMMON for OCD, and a lot people have the same experiences that you do. You don't have to feel guilty about any of it. And there's a way out of this trap. ERP can help :):) I know OCD feels like you are trapped in a hole and that there is no way out. But in reality, none of the OCD is actually real. You don't have to feel guilty about it. And you don't have to worry about it. I really want you to have all the answers you need. The answers are there! But we never have them at first. And so we suffer from all the OCD's tricks. And I know what it feels like to suffer from OCD. We can talk more! I'm right here!! The first step for you Is to decide that you don't care if the thoughts are good or bad or indifferent or whatever. In other words, you need to realize that the thoughts DON'T MATTER. You can choose to ALLOW every thought to run through your head, whether or not it is good or bad or even just horrible . Imagine a tree planted by the river. The leaves fall off the tree and float down the river. You don't try to stop the leaves. You don't try to pick them up and put them back on the tree. You don't try to fight them. The same is true with your thoughts. You can just ALLOW the thoughts to float through your head. Don't try to fight them off. Don't try to stop them. You can notice them, but don't try to do anything about them--no matter how horrible they are. When you do this, you are taking away the power of the OCD to scare you with thoughts. The OCD only has power when you BELIEVE that your thoughts mean something or that they are dangerous. When you learn to ignore your thoughts and just let them flow through your head as though they are meaningless, you begin to take power back from the OCD. Another way is to imagine your thoughts are like wisps of smoke. 💨They don't mean anything. You don't need to assign meaning to them or feel guilty about them. And you definitely don't need to figure them out! We try to figure them out, the more entangled we become. We can talk more, but I want you to try this step. And then let me know how it goes!!

anonj

Date posted: 15h

@Tea and Honey I appreciate your response and this helps thank you. I did want to ask, how do I just sit with the discomfort? My thoughts also come to me in images and really bad thoughts that i just don’t want to be going through my head and to sit with

Tea and Honey

Date posted: 15h

@anonj That's the hallmark of OCD. That's actually part of the OCD diagnosis. If you get really bad thoughts and images that come through your head, that's simply what OCD does. The more you care about it, the more power you give the OCD. You've got to understand that these thoughts and images are absolutely MEANINGLESS . They might feel really scary and uncomfortable. That's why you have to PRACTICE allowing them to flow freely through your head, without trying to stop them. This will take some time. It will definitely feel scary and uncomfortable at first. You will feel like a bad person. You will feel like something bad will happen. Your whole body will be absolutely filled with icky feelings and like your life is going to be over, etc., etc. etc. This is how things have to get worse before they get better. You know how a marathon runners have to go through grueling training before they can succeed at a race? With OCD, we have to put ourselves through the painful and uncomfortable things before we can get better. But it takes a a lot of time and PRACTICE. For today, just try to practice for segments of time. Sitting with the uncomfortable feelings means you endure all the icky feelings inside that come when you ALLOW the thoughts. But it is the way of freedom. I'm right here for you to talk to you. I know it takes a lot of talking to progress through these steps. The OCD will always give you objections to the pathway of freedom. The OCD doesn't want you to take the pathway of freedom. But it really helps if you can talk it through. I'm right here! Please message through this whole process!!

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