Experiencing a huge trigger

Hi everyone, It’s my first post on here. I have been a silent reader for quite some time and it has been a helpful part of my recovery to know I’m not alone. I have had a number of themes which have circulated. I want to give a bit of background, without making it an essay (sorry 🫣!) I am a teacher. I began working in education 7 years ago and I fell in love with the job and the environment. Unfortunately about a year into it, my OCD began attacking the job. I had severe worries about the children and whether I was a danger to them. The intrusive thoughts were so intense, it was the worst time of my life. I thought I’d have to leave the profession I finally found that I loved. I got diagnosed, began medication, took part in support groups and my life really turned around. I’m so glad I didn’t let it ruin what I had worked hard for. Fast forward to today and unfortunately I have recently experienced a huge family trauma. A very close family member is under investigation for something very closely related to my theme. (I won’t go into detail but I’m sure you can gather what I’m talking about.) Of course this has caused a huge trigger in my previous theme. Something that hasn’t impacted my life in almost 3 years. I’m really struggling. I’m trying to navigate the feelings of grief, sadness, shock, anger… all related to the sudden trauma. And I’m also trying to navigate my sudden spike in OCD. Something that has absolutely nothing to do with me has managed to twist in my mind to be about me. And it’s a whole new swarm of thoughts: ‘if I’m related to someone that can do that, that must mean I will’.. ‘I’ve just been hiding this whole time’.. ‘it’s obviously not just OCD, it’s something else’.. I feel so deflated and like I’ve gone 100 steps back. I’m so anxious about my job. Any advice is welcome. Thank you ❤️

KayGee

Date posted: 17h

Hello friend 👋 Sounds like you and I are in similar ocd-predicaments. I am an educator and a survivor of SA. My job-related ocd is pervasive, and I have trauma that runs deep, but doesn’t affect my everyday. However, when certain life events happen (such as your family member’s situation), I get suuuuuper dependent on rumination and routine. I think it’s normal to “take steps back” when in times of heightened stress. It’s not a loss, it’s just a part of being a person affected my ocd. I don’t think of it as a set back when I go back to old ocd habits, I see it as a reaction to stress and anxiety. In no way does it negate the work you’ve done and in no way is it stopping you from being your best, emotionally healthy self.

Spark25

Date posted: 16h

A little off topic but it’s really comforting to hear educators go through this as well. I’m currently going to school to be an elementary school teacher and I’m thinking, how the hell am I going to finish when I can’t stop this intense anxiety and rumination every single day. Although what i’ve realized is that whenever we are under an enormous amount of stress or go through something traumatic, we revert back to our old trauma-responses. It’s not to say what we did didn’t work, it’s just that something triggered us and we need to remember what we learned does and did work and just have to keep pushing through. Everybody goes through setbacks and I’m also trying to tell myself this as well. I’m going through a setback but I believe I will come back even stronger. I have to remind myself I have 3 kids and 2 of them back to back and going to school with little sleep and hardly any help. Of course my ocd was going to come back even worse at some point. I was running on empty for 3 years and eventually my brain had enough. Our ocd wants us to focus on false beliefs so we can solve this fake problem because it makes us feel like we’re keeping ourselves safe from that problem because we can’t figure out why we can’t feel safe in the present world. So it has to make something up.

Jewelskris

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 12h

I just want you to know that I understand your pain. I’ve been dealing with OCD since I was young, but I wasn’t diagnosed until I was 26. I’m now 41 and had it under control for years, but it came back up as I was healing from a major surgery. I joined no CD got it under control and then I watched the Lindsey Clancy trial and I completely did a downward spiral and related it to me as well as I did suffer with postpartum depression myself. I think it’s normal for the things that we have dealt with in the past to come up and our OCD to latch onto them. I just want you to know I understand I’ve been going through stresses and feeling anxiety over the thoughts that have been popping in my head lately too. I think we have to remember that we have OCD and this is just something that’s gonna happen. I’ve been visiting my therapist more often right now and doing more ERP on my own. A lot of maybe maybe not and a lot of telling my brain that I don’t have to solve it right now. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I used to teach gymnastics and had the same themes when I first found out what OCD was.

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