- Date posted
- Yesterday
What do I do
Lately things have been so stressful and my life has been less than satisfactory because I have a huge fear of bodily fluid contamination (s3m3n mostly) and 2 weeks ago I had a w3t dream which triggered this entire spiral because I was rushing out of the house and I did not shower correctly so I was convinced I was spreading bodily fluid everywhere and I bought a new backpack because of it and new spirals and even then things went wrong and I would have to wash my bag again and buy new spirals I would have another w3t dream and have to wash my Bag but new spirals and now I am here I need to clean up my house because I am convinced I spread bodily fluid everywhere and my house is not clean at all since my parents are old and do not clean often so it has a lot of stuff piled up and things just feel terrible because the times I did go to school while feeling contaminated (I probably was) I borrowed peoples things touched stuff my friends stuff so now all of that is contaminated and even if I get clean I will still sit in the same seat and be touch the same things I touched when I was dirty so I will stay dirty. And my friends trusted me to be clean and now I contaminated their stuff. And my car seat needs to Be cleaned for the same Reason since I was sitting there while dirty and my shoes came into contact with something that had bodily fluid on it from my clothes I threw out and now my shoes are dirty and need to be cleaned and they touched my bag and my desk and other things so now it is dirty too. On top of this my house being dirty is the bathroom since I was laying somewhere where I had a wet dream previously and I think I cleaned it but it was a couch so there are a lot of Crevices I probably could Not reach and I have never had these dreams before so idk how to clean up without spiraling and after laying on the couch I went to the bathroom so my clothes contaminated the toilet and stuff and my family used it so now they are contaminated. I feel like I am forgetting something I need to say to properly handle this fear I want to ignore it but it is so gross I can not even bear the thought of making friends being this filthy and I want to say it does not matter but it does because it is disgusting I am disgusting.