18+ POCD

@Jesse1982 But the fact that apparently it’s legally sa is what is making me wanna throw up because I would never intend to do that at all😭

@Jesse1982 I’ve done something similar where my body acted in a way that I wouldn’t actually want (even just a SLIGHT movement but our brain sensationalizes the whole event like it was enormous). And it was around my pet (who is my world) so I spiraled for days. But afterwards I realized my mind and body are in this constant struggle and I have OCD and am just trying to navigate it. We can’t be perfect 100% of the time especially when we’re so used to these thoughts stressing our bodies like they are real fire alarms. 🚨

@Dianne Mae - Thank you Diane but I just can't get over and feel like I always have to confess. People that don't have ocd or pocd for that matter have no idea what we go through and im scared that they think im bad for doing that move towards my daughter who I love so much and would never hurt.

@Jesse1982 Idk if you saw what I said but my issue is that apparently it still legally counts as sa but that isn’t what I intended at all. It makes me sick.

@Toricakes25 Idk if this helps either of you but the whole “thought-action-fusion” comes to mind in this scenario as well. Even if the act itself could “technically” count as this (you looked it up) the reality is that you were doing that in the exact moment to *combat* the fear that you have of being that very thing. You were doing it to prove that you can hold your loved one and it’s still okay, there aren’t nefarious intentions behind it, no weird feelings, and you are combatting your OCD who wants to keep telling you that you’re a bad person. That’s the difference. People give their babies/nieces/nephews baths all the time and change diapers and have to touch all the parts to properly clean. It feels so much more extreme because it’s your niece who you love more than anything, but imagine this were another child you would more easily know yourself and say “that was definitely my brain messing with me because there’s no way I would want to be doing that for any kind of nefarious reason.” The fact that you’re distressed means you really aren’t a bad person. I’m sorry that it’s feeling so extreme right now. Please know you’re not alone.

@Dianne Mae This makes a lot of sense thank you so much. It’s a daily struggle for me. I rarely leave my house because of this.

@Forever hopeful7 And it was a pt of mine that I was just trying to put in the car seat and I feel sick to my stomach over it

@Forever hopeful7 I’m crying so much. I didn’t mean it with any bad intent but according to legal standards it’s still sa because I did it on purpose but I really didn’t mean it like that. I was just trying to prove that just because I touched that area doesn’t mean I’m a p*do because it happens sometimes when holding babies😭

@Forever hopeful7

@Forever hopeful7 I’m sending screenshots because my comments won’t go through

@Toricakes25 It can get really tricky when we’re doing our exposures and our minds are in such a state of tug of war that the very thing we want to avoid feels like our brain tricks us into doing it anyway. This is where our OCD thrives because in trying to combat it, we’re SO hyper aware of our thoughts, actions, emotions, and sensations and just the “urge” to do it (even if to prove innocence) feels like we got tricked into doing the very thing we fear. Just know that you are not alone. I can guarantee you that so many people here experience the same scenarios and think it makes them a horrible person. I think about this stuff on a daily basis surrounding my pets (because they’re my babies) and it always gets to me, too.

@Dianne Mae What gets me is that I looked it up and apparently it still counts as sa even if you didn’t mean it in like a bad way and that’s what’s making me sick over it😭