advice?

@0542 the place i went to was really nice. i just went mainly for the therapy sessions being so frequent but my therapist ended up being out for half of my stay :/ i didnt get to work on things like i was hoping to and i rushed out of there which im now regretting

@salemexistss aw.. :( hope the next time you go there you can work on your healing journey in full

@Viken1345 yeah ill write it out

@Viken1345 in march i did m@th and had two very distressing experiences that have made me sick. i hooked up with one guy who said he was 23. had no reason to doubt his age. but the whole time i felt super worried and afraid. but i couldn’t bring myself to leave bc i had no reason to actually suspect he was lying. and i usually just would get with older guys to avoid the fear all together. so this was the one time i actually got with someone around my age. so i knew this was just a fear i have. so i felt the fear was just sorta unfounded. i left after that feeling unsettled, and began to scroll twitter. usually i would follow accounts only if they had an OF or fansly link as id verification. but this night i let my guard down and only looked for an age of 18+ in the bio and relied on my ability to use my own judgement. i followed like 100+ accounts over a few hours, predominantly 18 year olds, but some older. in the back of my head i feared “what if they are lying about their age” but at first i didn’t listen to it. i just thought that would never happen to me. but at some point i began to seriously doubt and worry if they were. so when that fear finally washed over me as a real and true possibility. i completely disengaged with all of the accounts. unfollowing, removing likes, deleting comments. while going through i went to check one account that i believed to be id verified. its the whole reason i followed her bc i had doubt at first, but felt reassured by the link to an account she sells on. it was loyalfans or something. but i decided to dig deeper, and search her replies. there i found her making a joke about how she cant id verify, implying she was lying about her age. i was so disgusted and shocked i immediately blocked the account. i felt sick afterward. like what did i just do. and ever since i feel fucking disgusting and so much guilt and i just worry about what these events mean about me. ive told a therapist and so many friends and they all tell me the same thing. but i still worry and obsess over it.

@salemexistss I’m sorry. OCD has a way of forcing us into shame sprains which highlight some of our biggest fears. I would love to share my real life experience, but I can’t even bring myself to write it here.

@Viken1345 you dont have to of course but surely it cannot be worse than anything ive just described

@salemexistss Blurring relationship boundaries?

@Viken1345 how do u mean pal