ROCD

I feel panicked. I stumbled across a video of an ocd therapist explaining ROCD vs relationship issue and it seems like I have some relationship issues based on what she said. She said they usually are what’s actually going on & not what ifs or feelings. WELL I have some stuff that is actually going on and specific and falls into this category so I am spooked. I don’t want to address anything with my partner! AND not to mention sometimes I am triggered, feel very anxious about something and don’t do a compulsion until the next day or at all. Ive gotten true genuine feelings at times that FREAK me out usually the next day. I feel like I have real relationship issues now too. I feel terrified.

smileycat7

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: Yesterday

Try not to fall into the trap of assuming that real issues = your relationship is doomed! Almost every relationship has issues, that’s just life, there will be times when a conversation is necessary to address a problem and improve the relationship. Having issues doesn’t automatically mean you’re not right for each other and you need to break up. Just to emphasise that last part, you never ever have to break up! You can continue to choose your partner every single day, even if you’re having issues and you’re going through a hard season. That’s what relationships are about 🥰

Mk3

Date posted: 19h

@smileycat7 I am more worried about the fact that I need to have a conversation with my partner, do I have to? Ugh. I feel like if it was a real issue I would want to, but I really don’t . Maybe I should take the risk and work through my ROCD first and any real problems will still be there if they are. If any real problems they could also be amplified right now and not worth my attention

smileycat7

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 18h

@Mk3 Yeah the same rule applies, it’s always your choice whether you want to have a conversation or not! You never have to do anything, that’s a lie OCD tells you 🙂 It’s a good idea to ride out the anxiety first, then later you might decide it’s not as big a deal as you thought, or you might decide to have a conversation and resolve something that’s been bothering you. Just remember there are no deadlines or rules, it’s totally up to you how you navigate your relationship

Mk3

Date posted: 18h

@smileycat7 So even if they’re real relationship issues, I don’t HAVE to share or talk to my partner about them? You’re right there’s no rules. I’m very obsessed with doing the right thing and figuring out when to share vs not and that is probably my ocd. Hence why I’m going to not share anything

smileycat7

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 18h

@Mk3 No you don’t HAVE to. It’s about your intention behind the action. The goal is to make choices for you and what you value (e.g. your relationship), not OCD. If you simply don’t want to bring something up then that’s totally fine and it’s your choice!

Mk3

Date posted: 12h

@smileycat7 Thank you so much. Idk why I feel this way it’s so overwhelming. For instance, I’ve felt like disconnected or that I’m not as “into” my partner lately, and had feeling of wanting to break up or I didn’t want to be with my partner anymore that were like genuine and I didn’t freak out until the next day. So it’s just hard with all the guilt and fear of these things. But I know that’s kinda part of all this ocd mess. And the fear of it being the right thing to tell my partner all of this is so scary, I don’t want to! So thanks for your advice :) I feel like this all could be ocd amplifying things and I need to stick with therapy lol or maybe they’re real relationship issues. Idk anymore but regardless- I’m not telling my partner anything. There’s some other stuff that seems even MORE like a relationship issue but again- I don’t wanna bring it up so I’m not going to. And I check myself analyzing my intent behind the action kinda like u said and it’s just too confusing ! With all this questioning it’s clear I do not need to share with my partner LOL. But gosh the feelings are so overwhelming rn and terrifying after those feelings/thoughts occurred. I feel sick

smileycat7

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 3m

@Mk3 I can totally understand how confusing this is! Funnily enough I can relate because this year I’ve been experiencing dissatisfaction in my relationship and it’s so confusing trying to pick apart what’s real and what’s OCD - it’s a minefield! I’ve had some serious conversations with my partner and he said he’d rather not know if I’m just telling him for the sake of it and there’s no point to the conversation, if that makes sense? So what I try to do instead is think to myself what actual improvements could be made, and then talk to him about them, so it feels more productive. So in your case you could let some time pass and consider whether there’s anything that might be causing your feelings, you could also do some research on how to connect more with your partner etc. and then have a conversation later e.g. “I’ve been feeling a bit disconnected lately and I think spending some quality time together would be really helpful - what do you think?” Just a side note, I don’t mean compulsively researching all day long and asking Reddit what to do! I mean doing some scheduled research from professional sources. Again this is totally all your choice. I’ve been working on my situation with a therapist for the past 6 months and this is what he’s been teaching me

smileycat7

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1m

@smileycat7 One thing that helped me was switching from a catastrophe mindset of thinking my relationship is doomed, into a mindset of maintenance and improvement. You can always stay and work on your relationship, you never have to leave!

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