Hello everyone Please Help

Hello everyone How are you doing?? I am Muskan and I want to share my story Finally after 25 years I finally got a diagnosis and it was right Chronic Anxiety and OCD patterns that i developed late in life. Some people told you have autism and many agreed i have anxiety disorder but OCD no one told me and finally i got a good clinical psychologist who diagnosed me and it makes sense. When I was 10 year old i have not felt happy leave happy not even fine ( ofc the severity wasn’t when I was 10 it increased every year and reached upto a point where i collapsed functionally) IF YOU CAN provide me any help through your advice then please do. I know the rules of NOCD its upto you to advise. Since childhood, I have felt unusually fearful and hypersensitive compared to other people around me. Loud voices, scolding, tension, or anger affect me very deeply, even when others seem completely fine. Whenever someone raised their voice. I would automatically freeze like brain didn’t work, feel terrified, and sometimes cry without being able to control it. My nervous system reacts very strongly to anger and loud tones. In social situations and family gatherings, I would often naturally be extremely quiet and unable to speak . I constantly felt aroused and alert . Even small things, like someone not responding could make me anxious and overthink for hours. For most of my life, I felt trapped in fear internally. My mind was constantly filled with “what if” thoughts, catastrophic thinking and hypervigilance. A major experience happened on May 10, 2020, when I was alone at home watching TV. Suddenly, I started crying automatically for no obvious reason. Then I experienced vivid auditory flashback from when I was around 13 years old — it was of my aunt speaking something loudly. Immediately after that flashback, something changed inside me. For the first time in my life, my body felt relaxed and alive. My chest felt lighter, as if a huge amount of fear had left my body. For the first time my mind became calm and quiet. I stopped catastrophizing, felt emotionally safe, confident, comfortable, and mentally clear. Loud voices no longer terrified me during that period. Even when my father came home and scolded me for leaving the TV, AC, and lights on, I noticed that I was simply listening to him normally instead of freezing in fear like I usually would. That peaceful and confident state lasted for about three hours only. Afterwards my body and mind returned to the same fearful and hypervigilant state I had always known. Later, while doing somatic or body-focused work, I experienced similar moments four more times, where my chest would suddenly feel lighter and my thoughts would become calm and positive. During those moments, I felt mentally present, emotionally safe, and no longer trapped inside fear. However, those states only last a few minutes before disappearing again. In 2022, I had another unusual experience. For almost an entire day, I felt separated from my fear instead of merged with it. I could observe fear rising inside me every second but it was in the background like I was separated from it not feeling fear but I know what i am feeling. That experience made me realize that fear seems to be there all the time in the background. I have tried Escitalopram vortioxetine sertraline Paroxetine Desvenlafaxine vilazodone fluoxetine bupropion but none worked I am tired of trying medicines. medication worked but for like 5 minutes ,15 minutes for one day and it stopped my rumination but Paroxetine worked for one day only. I have really suffered and from 8 years finding solutions on my own. Taking medications from psychiatrist waiting to work but none worked. Found one good psychologist in January she says i have GAD with OC tendencies lots of worrying thoughts - what if ones and then multiple checking and lot of reassurance ( its more mental than physical i show physical traits as well but 10% only) i recently purchased Jonathan sir’s book complete freedom from ocd and i will read it. Some people can function with anxiety and OC both internally although (it’s very hard )and they can also function in the world. I couldn’t and when I couldn’t I asked for help. So it taught me to really don’t get locked up in head. I know thats not easy.