Isolation

@melissa71 Of course 🩷 I don’t want to make any assumptions about your situation, but in general some people are just not meant to stay in our lives. I’m going through a different type of friendship betrayal and even though I care about them I am not willing to look past what they’ve done and I’m ready to move on. It’s your life, you’re allowed to be picky about who you let in it.

@sick&tired You’re right. It seems that my “sister” does not have time to even say hello, going on three weeks now, she just posted pictures from “fun times” she had somewhere, I’m assuming w her new boyfriend. It’s not that she is in a relationship that bothers me. It’s that she basically dumped me in the sense that she has no time for me, not even a text, nothing. I was left wondering if I did something wrong, if she was ok, etc. When will I learn that others will always put themselves first? I would never treat my friends like that. I’ve been stressing over this while she’s having a ball. And I have to see her at a mutual friends house soon? I don’t want to, but I have to learn to be unbothered. If I do talk to her again, I will let her know it’s not ok to forget someone like that. Our friendship is damaged. I hope your situation improves, and I’m sorry for the betrayal you’re experiencing. 💕

@melissa71 I can see this has been so hard for you and it sounds like she’s done this before. Ultimately you get to decide what kind of behavior you’ll tolerate. It’s okay to hold people in your life to a higher standard. Not everyone is meant to be in our lives forever. I hope you know that how she treats you doesn’t say anything about you. I’ve been ghosted and it’s quite agonizing to try to get inside their head and imagine why they did what they did, or question what did I do wrong, etc. I can see this has made you second-guess yourself and I’m so so sorry. I think it’s not healthy to go through these mental gymnastics. Now I trust peoples actions over their words. My friend knew I was in an abusive relationship and as someone with OCD and excessive doubt I didn’t know it at the time. Still, something felt off, so I told that friend what was going on even though I didn’t have the labels for it (and I only told this one friend). And they didn’t affirm that I experienced assault. They didn’t show concern for my wellbeing. They didn’t point out that there were resources available for people in my situation. Worst of all, they knew that I was living with my abuser. Caring about your friend’s safety enough to make sure they know that they’re a victim of a violent crime is the bare minimum. Trying to connect them to resources & helping them exit to safety is the bare minimum. I honestly don’t know how a friend knew I was living with an abuser after I had just been assaulted and felt comfortable enough to just leave me in that situation. And still spoke to me like normal all those weeks as if none of this was going on.. it makes me sick. Unfortunately, people do things that you can never imagine doing to them. I mean, I wouldn’t even let my worst enemy go through something like this alone. So please please, be gentle with your heart. Protect it. I wish I learned this a lot sooner in life. But every day we can start again. And we will find our people. Take good care of yourself. 🙏🏽

@sick&tired Yes, you are valid in what you’re feeling. This person certainly hasn’t shown that he or she is someone worthy of you. You do what is best for you and protect your peace. I’m trying to practice doing the same, even though my mind actively tries (and succeeds many times) at disrupting my peace. It never stops, like a runaway train. Please don’t let anyone turn things and make you feel like you are in the wrong. People have a tendency to flip the script to make themselves look like they did nothing wrong. Stick to your values and only allow people who deserve you to be in your life.

@sick&tired I appreciate you listening to me and replying to me. It helps. I’m away for a couple of days w other friends of mine and enjoying myself. Of course, the background noise is there in my head about what will happen w this “friend” this week. I’m supposed to see her next weekend at a mutual friends get together. I’ll bet she’ll act like nothing is wrong, like nothing has changed. Apparently, she might have gone away w this very new boyfriend (talk about moving fast, imo) lol, so I wouldn’t be surprised if she thinks it’s ok not to contact her close friend, which I thought I was, for three weeks, to just say anything. I’m amazed, truly amazed. She will gush about how happy she is while I’m sitting there hurt because of how I was dumped as her so called sister. The others will understand her and I’ll look bad. I don’t know but I’m going to try to put all this out of my mind. I don’t want or deserve to be upset after the decades of torture I’ve been through at the hands of ocd.

@sick&tired I truly hope you find peace in your situation. Keep people who treat you well in your life. Be glad this person showed you who they are. You deserve peace and to be treated well. 💝

@sick&tired And I am upset w myself for allowing others to disturb my peace. I know I have to stop doing that. I’m working on it.. it’s hard when you care and don’t get it back. Sorry for the long replies! But, thank you 🙏🏻

@melissa71 Aww, I’m glad you went out with your other friends and had a good time! Good on you! Keep chasing your joy. 😇 and thank you for your words of comfort. Idk if I’m clear about the situation, but I figured you were texting/calling her like you normally do (e.g. checking on how she’s doing and expressed your concern when you didn’t hear back), but she just disappeared. I’m not a therapist or anything and I myself need to learn more about boundaries, gaslighting, manipulation, etc. But what I’ve gleaned so far (about relationships in general — I’m not talking about all situations, like abuse) is that your job is to show up as yourself and tell people how they made you feel. And yes, even if it’s obvious to us, it may not be obvious to them, so we should speak up and not assume that they know what impact they’ve had. Then they can hear that and decide what they want to do next. And we get to look at how they respond (not just with words, but through their actions) and decide if that’s something we’re willing to accept and keep including in our lives. And I think we owe it to ourselves to honor the truth about how we feel even if we don’t want to lose that person. Sometimes we’re done with people, and sometimes they’re done with us, and that’s just life. I’m not saying it’s easy, I’ve had break ups that were so incredibly painful. But the good thing is that pain is temporary. 🩷 People grow in different directions, change their priorities, and want different things. No one is wrong for doing what’s best for them. I wouldn’t want to hold on to someone that doesn’t want me in their life, and I hope no one is keeping me in their life and letting me pour love into them if they don’t truly value me either. I think letting people go can really be an act of love for all parties involved. I don’t know what you mean by looking bad in front of your friends. Being honest and honoring yourself may not be convenient for others, or they may not like your decision, but that doesn’t mean it’s bad. It doesn’t matter if they don’t understand. If the prospect of seeing your friend is too much right now, you don’t have to go to the upcoming gathering. I’m not talking about avoidance (especially in the context of OCD and compulsions). But it’s perfectly fine to say I’m not ready to see that person now, I want some breathing room and to make sure that my emotions are regulated first. You can make that choice on your own time when you feel better equipped to handle the situation. Please prioritize your safety, wellbeing, mental health, and peace. OCD is hard enough. It is a privilege to let people know and love you. You don’t have to give everyone access to you just because your friends are friends with them, or because you’ve know them for a long time, or whatever the reason may be. Continue to pursue your hobbies and try new things and fall in love with your life. Do the stuff that makes you happy. And you can share that joy with all the people you choose to share it with. I think one of the secrets of life is to give yourself all the things you wish other people would give you. So you’re already whole and full and anybody that adds to your life is just the cherry on top. Be well my friend. 💐