- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 5y
Same literal feelings today. This time it’s over if I resolved something or not with an old friend. I can’t remember if I did or not. Just know it will pass. OCD comes and goes. I’m thinking laughter, if we can find it, may be helpful? Self-compassion and self-love are at the heart of all of this.
Everyone has old themes, some of us have many... typically, at the very heart of it all, we need to forgive ourselves. Do you think that everyone you know needs to confess and ask forgiveness for everything they’ve ever done (& don’t forget we often punish ourselves for mistakes as if we intentionally hurt something or someone)? Remember, you can’t be there for your friends until you can start being there for yourself. I struggle with self-esteem because I feel it’s wrong for me to “like” myself. That’s OCD. I’ve been reading a lot about self-compassion and it has helped. Wishing you all the best - use that mind strength of compassion (that your OCD is trying to turn into confessions) to give yourself compassion.
If a counselors advice to you is to put it behind you. Past is past. It’s over and done. Find your tools that help you cope And use the heck outta of them
This sounds bad, but I feel I have to confess to each person in my life because I feel I don’t deserve to be around them. Like I’m not allowed to enjoy their presence.
Same for me. Magnification of real life. Assuming the story I have told myself is fact and likely. Going to worse case scenario and thinking I can’t cope. Wanting release from it and googling which is making it worse. Eugh so bored by myself!
My therapist helped me realize that all my Googling had become one of my main reassurance seeking tactics and reminded me that the thousands of google searches had not typically made me feel better. He asked me, as an exposure (& to validate my need for detail), that I limit myself when I google something online to only click on one result... it can be any of them, but just one. I can read what that one says and then I have to move on. May be something to try. And as all have said we need to give ourselves compassion. It’s like we’re in a jail cell and the prison door is wide open, we even have the key too (just in case). Everyone has long forgotten (or never even gave thought to) what we did or didn’t do that we’ve labeled as bad (whether it was or not). But we won’t walk out of the cell. We need to walk out of the cell and LIVE. We deserve to live.
Hi, last year I had a trigger with my little cousin that made me spiral. Then that thought lead to another and lead to another thought and another one and so on and I've been feeling stuck (with ups and downs) over a year now. I hit rock bottom in July/August and that lead me to going to the psychiatrist. I am taking meds now, but I still feel bad. It doesn't take as much time of my life anymore but it is constantly back there in my mind. It's the feeling that I'm ignoring and undoubtable truth that soonest or later will come out, or that rejecting, or that I'm resisting. That's why it's been impossible for me to do ERP, because I think it's going to make me want to touch myself and if I do I'll feel bad. And then it feels like I like the thoughts, not only physically (groinals) but mentally??? It's like a brain fog that I can't tag between pleasure or confusion. And that thought leads me to thinking about the alleged "non-offending" ps and if that could be me. And that thought leads me to think OH MY GOD I can't BELIEVE I am a girl in my twenties obsessing over this I can't believe this is my life.
So I have been struggling with the same theme of ocd for 4 months now. My ocd centers around past events/false memories that ocd skews to make seem bad or it twists my thoughts on what my intentions were. this is related to cheating or being weird while I have been in my amazing relationship. I have never cheated on my partner and never will and I believe it is wrong. But my ocd is telling me other wise. I love my partner so very much and I would never want to hurt him but my brain is getting to me. I was getting better. I was trying “maybe I did, maybe I didn’t”, I have been back on meds and in therapy and I stopped confessing random interactions from years/months ago about 1.5 weeks ago and it really helped. But now I woke up this morning and feel the pit in my stomach again. I feel extra critical and like why would you do this? What does this say about you? What was your intention with this? And I’m just stuck mentally reviewing and ruminating on everything you could imagine. I know my personality and I know in the moment maybe I did find them attractive but mainly I was just being nice or funny or even just a good friend, but looking back now I’m like “was it flirting?” “Why did I still snap this person” “why would I even talk to them” and stuff like that. I feel this intense sense of guilt. I have told my partner everything that I keep getting stuck on and he didn’t care, he said he understands or “that’s a little weird but it’s okay” and hasn’t missed a beat. He said eveything I’ve told him is normal and I’ve heard that from my friends too. I just really need help. I don’t know what to do anymore. I am so disappointed because I thought I was gonna be done with this, so why am I still so worried and caught up in this.
My real-events are terrible. I'm plagued daily by multiple awful things I did as a child / teenager (please don't downplay it.) I've grown into a better person, but the memories won't let me see any progress. It feels as if my insides are dying from grief and shame. How do you go day to day not picturing yourself as a monster?
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