Is this OCD or something else?

I’ve been diagnosed with OCD a couple months ago and I didn’t know I was dealing with it for a long time… But sometimes I question it… Because I know I have POCD and it used to be so bad in the pandemic For example: this past week I’ve been taking care of my grandma… because she had knee surgery…(side rant Im proud of her. She’s doing good.) But my mom came to my grandma’s house where I’m staying right now to take care of her…. And this past week I’ve been questioning in my head like am I a good granddaughter? Do people love me? Am I going to be alone forever? And then I do everything to get proof… for example… my mom didn’t tell me you’re doing good… because I’ve been really trying to take care of and help my grandma, getting her meds in order, helping her with physical therapy…. And I don’t mind helping her, but why do I feel so guilty for complaining that I’m tired? And I know logically I’m tired because I’m waking up early I’m preparing things for my grandmother. You know that’s just kind of how I am. I always prepare ahead. But then the question in my head I texted my mom Am I a bad granddaughter? And my mom text back no, you’re doing a good job But it wasn’t enough I needed more proof that I wasn’t bad but really truly underneath was do you hate me? Do you not love me? Please don’t go? And to be honest, I don’t know if this is OCD anymore… because sometimes I do ruminate in that kind of area to where I question everything about myself And to be honest when I get like that, I’m so emotionally overwhelmed, and I’m starting to believe the thoughts that are in my head… and to a point.. I just shut down for example I cried like crazy today And that feeling is still there…. Just not as bad. And maybe what triggered this was from this morning? Because the physical therapist came here.. and I’m 21 years old. I’m unemployed and last year I couldn’t really go outside cause I was scared that people would see something bad in me. But the good news is, I did get my permit this year, but let’s get to the point my apologies again And he asked me what do you do when I said oh I don’t do much. I’m thinking of going to college close for my grandma live. But in my brain, it was like shame and guilt and I should hide because I’m unemployed and this and that and this and that Am I get that? I am moving forward…. I’ve made doctors appointments for my stomach issues.. I’ve prepared some surgeries for myself that I need done… I got my permit… hopefully in October I go to driving school as I plant But I’m just questioning Is this OCD? And I’m not here for reassurance. I’m just confused in a little lost here. Please let me know if this is OCD or you think it could be something else Cause if it’s something else, maybe ERP is not for me… but I’m also scared if it is something else but again sorry for getting sidetracked……

Theo$003675

Date posted: 8h

PS: these habits with texting has caused me to think that maybe I need to start using a Flip phone… because I immediately go to text somebody to get that kind of reassurance or something… to not feel this way anymore… cause it’s hard for me to sit with guilt or shame or feeling like I am bad… and I might get a flip phone. I’m not sure…. But I’ve also had these texting issues since I was in middle school…. I don’t really mean to… but I’m not happy about it either.

Spock

Date posted: 7h

@Theo$003675 I don't think you should get a flip phone because it feeds into your OCD. Feeding your OCD is pretty bad for people with OCD,(I'm sorry, I don't want to worry you), and the flip phone is just going to feed it more.

Theo$003675

Date posted: 7h

@Spock Thank you…. And don’t apologize it makes total sense….. just sometimes it’s hard to stop I get into a weird panic when something happens… with my brain always thinking do they not love me and stuff like that.. and I just connected to… did I did this too much? Or this or that you know And also, thank you for your point of view. It does make sense a lot how it would feed the OCD not help it. Actually helped me to stop and think about this decision And thank you… your words gave me some comfort that I wasn’t alone in this in some ways…🧡

Spock

Date posted: 4h

@Theo$003675 You are welcome ❤️ and yeah you are not alone in this, we are all OCD teammates. We have to have each other's backs.

Spock

Date posted: 4h

@Theo$003675 It was not to much, it was perfectly fine.

Spock

Date posted: 3h

@Theo$003675 Do you want to have a sit-down and just talk? I think that it would really help too. If you're up to it. I'm not pressuring you.

Spock

Date posted: 3h

@Theo$003675 Here is some information about me: I am also unemployed, I am a young woman, I'm 21, and my name is Elli, I'm in school too, I live and take care of my grandma too, and I have OCD and I cry a lot too, (shocker), I'm sorry just a little dark humor. Anyway, it was nice helping you.

Spock

Date posted: 7h

I think it is morality OCD because you are thinking about how people don't love you even though they do. I'm going through the same thing. I think my family does not love me, but deep down I know they do. They even say that they love me all the time, but my OCD doesn't believe it. I love my family a lot too, but these thoughts are just to much to handle.

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