Date posted: 20h

Feeling discouraged

I just reached OCD conquerer status, which is very encouraging. However, I feel like the last week I’ve really been struggling with obsessive thoughts and letting myself feed into the spiral. One of my main subtypes is ROCD, I also feel like I have harm OCD, just right, optimization, etc. ROCD affects me the most though. I had an ex best friend who him and I used to have feelings for one another, and I wanted to date my now partner because he was ready for a relationship and was in a better spot in life, I also just love everything about him and he really swept me off my feet. Previous guy and I stopped being friends for awhile because he was upset about this decision, then after a few months became friends again. We were never much more than friends, we kissed a few times, but other than that nothing happened. I stayed friends with him for all these years, and my partner was always insecure about it. He always claimed he had feelings for me and it wasn’t until recently that I told previous guy I could not be friends with him because my partner and I are in a really good place and I’m realizing it wasn’t fair to stay friends with him this whole time. I think it’s important to say my partner had addiction issues and is now doing amazing and we have been talking about next steps in our future, which I’m very excited about, we’ve been dating for 8 years. Sometimes a random thought will come up of said old friend and I will feel very guilty, for staying friends for so long when I knew it upset my partner, then I start to read into my thoughts and spiral. When I don’t engage with the thought they go away more, I guess I’m just reading into it alot more because I know it’s someone my partner dislikes, and if I told him he’d be extremely hurt. I am ashamed of my thoughts, I feel like I am undeserving of my partners love because of the bad thoughts I have and it makes me really sad because I love him beyond words.

littleostrich

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 19h

Hi, as I’m sure you know, living with OCD isn’t linear. I’ve reached conquered status too and there are still ups and downs. That’s normal. OCD will always look for certainty :) You said the thoughts go away when you don’t engage with them and that’s exactly right. I acknowledge the thought by saying, “That’s a thought!” And do my best to move on. OCD is latching on to this because you’re treating these thoughts as relevant and important. You love your partner and don’t want to hurt him. Therefore, OCD is latching on to the possibility of hurting him because it’s a value of yours not to do so. It sounds like you have talked to your partner about the situation and took action to ensure he’s comfortable. You made a decision based on your values and you can let the intrusive thoughts pass by. You know OCD will always keep searching. Sending support! ☀️

8567995

Date posted: 19h

@littleostrich Thank you very much. I spoke with my therapist about how I’ve tried not to confess my intrusive thoughts and my symptoms have gotten a lot better, she said it seems like avoidance, but I guess I’m confused whether I should say my thoughts out loud to people or just keep them in my head and not engage?

littleostrich

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 18h

@8567995 I’m not a therapist, so definitely clarify with her, but mine has taught me to use Response Prevention Messages to the thoughts just like you do during ERP. So for example, a thought pops up in your head that you should feel guilty about this situation. In your head, you could reply, “That’s a thought!” or “Thanks for that one, OCD.” And move on with your day. Both confessing and avoidance can be a compulsion depending on intent, but from what you’re saying, it sounds like you’re just trying to not compulsively confess your intrusive thoughts. I would not call that avoidance. Clarify with your therapist though :) I defer to her expertise.

8567995

Date posted: 18h

@littleostrich Thank you, I appreciate it a lot!

8567995

Date posted: 20h

A huge part of me has begun to know this is OCD’s way of attaching to needing certainty in my relationship, I just feel extra guilty because it’s someone my partner heavily dislikes

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