I don’t know if I am still me

I get extremely disturbing sexual intrusive thoughts about almost anyone or anything, sometimes even animals. These thoughts disgust me and make me feel horrible. I absolutely don’t want them, but they keep appearing in my mind anyway. They can make me feel so distressed that I cry. I’m scared by the fact that my brain can come up with these thoughts, and I keep wondering what they mean about me even though I don’t want them at all.

Anonymous

Date posted: 11h

Wow. You must care so much about everyone and everything around you to have a mind that will come up with such a distressing way to remind you to be safe and kind. Thank your mind for prioritizing your values of having safe respectful behavior and remind it that you are in control!

iwuw

Date posted: 11h

@Anonymous I don’t control nothink my brain controls me Thank you, that actually means a lot to me. I think what scares me the most is that these thoughts feel so disturbing and completely opposite to who I am and what I would ever want to do. I’m trying to remind myself that thoughts are not actions and that I’m still in control, but sometimes it’s really hard to believe that when they feel so real. Thank you for reminding me of that. 🤍

Dianne Mae

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 11h

@Anonymous This is so well said — yes — You must genuinely appreciate and care for everything around you if your mind is latching onto it all. So true! My pets are my most loved companions and I have the worst intrusive thoughts about them (harm, taboo, you name it) and it’s extremely stressful *because* I love them so much. The thoughts are also very sneaky and sometimes when I’m in the middle of washing and drying my cat, of course having to use a towel and my hands, it’s almost as if I’m willing the intrusive thoughts which scares me even more. But after delaying the compulsions to mentally review, I realize that’s still just my OCD trying to make me distressed.

iwuw

Date posted: 11h

@Dianne Mae Ohhh I really appreciate your comment me is touching a lot friend of my boyfriend because this men I never love someone else more than him

Dianne Mae

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 11h

@iwuw It sounds like you’re very aware of how you feel and whom you love at your core. So keep sticking to your values and remember that thoughts are just thoughts. There’s no good or bad or any reason to analyze them. OCD can latch on to anything. Practice your responsive preventions even if they feel “fake” and your nervous system will get more used to not treating these thoughts as anything more.

strongsurvivor

Date posted: 10h

This is genuinely so helpful. Thank you anonymous stranger ❤️‍🩹

Anon-a-Mo

Date posted: 8h

I used to have a lot of that, though my intrusive sexual thoughts never involved children, animals, or seniors. I'm sure any of those creeping thought processes would be very conflicting. That said, Just about everything and everybody else typically crept into my mind, not as fantasy, but as pop-up thoughts. Especially upon first meeting or seeing somebody. I hated it but finally just gave into both the thought and the mental image. After a while, the thoughts became defanged because the thoughts became boringly one-dimensional. That said, I'm still conflicted about my own sexuality, perhaps that being the source of the pop-up thoughts. Maybe it's because I've never had a clear vision of relationships, sexual identity, romance, etc. that a floodgate of clouded distractions were allowed to enter. Ultimately, I came to realize that the desire to have sex with people and the thought of it are two different things. Fantasy can often sit in between the two, but I believe the pop-up undesirable thoughts don't reflect hidden desires, just hidden conflicts, difficulty making sense of confusion, etc. I had largely similar insight regarding harm thoughts towards others. I've come to distinguish between the pop-up thoughts and my genuine, even if still unhealthy aggressions.

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